No Reason

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Camila’s seven when she moves schools.

Her teacher Ms. Kelly calls her Karla for the first two days and she’s too shy to say anything, worried that her English will be bad. Ms.Kelly asks her mom about it when she drops her off the next day, noticing how uncomfortable the little girl seems and Sinuhe laughs warmly at the child’s antics.

“She goes by Cameela. Make sure to say it like that because she’ll never correct you.”

Groaning, Camila rolls her eyes at her mom before moving to take her seat in the back corner next to a girl with long black hair and forests trapped in her eyes. She looks up from her coloring when she notices the younger girl sit down and Camila’s hands are suddenly sweaty whereas her mouth goes dry and English isn’t her first language but she’s sure that she doesn’t remember any of it.

Too timid to say anything, she offers a smile but the girl only gives her a hard stare. After only a moment, Camila grows uncomfortable under her gaze and turns her body to face the front, certain to not make another attempt at talking to her classmate. Maybe another day.  

Her name is Lauren. Camila only knows that because she read it on her paper when they worked on their times tables and she practices saying it in her head, often alongside her own name.

Lauren.

Lauren and Camila.

Camila and Lauren.

Camila Cabello and Lauren Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is

Lauren Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is and Camila Cabello.

They still haven’t spoken and Lauren only ever writes her first name on her papers. Camila still thinks their names sound really good together.

Three weeks have passed and Camila still hadn’t worked up the courage to try talking to Lauren again, only learning about the girl through what she’s seen. Like how Lauren’s favorite crayon to use is specifically cerulean, not blue. She fidgets with her hands a lot, not out of nervousness but just because she’s fidgety. Every Wednesday she has a bag of three oreos, having one before math, one after recess, and one right before dismissal. The only times Camila has seen her smile is when Ms.Kelly says her drawings are pretty and the brown eyed girl wonders if Ms.Kelly has properly looked at Lauren’s smile because that is way prettier. Most importantly, Lauren avoids looking at Camila like she’s a giant cootie and Camila does her best to not take it personally, unwavering in her growing fascination with green eyed girl.

Another week goes by when Camila catches Lauren’s tattoo scrawled across her wrist, parallel to her forearm.

‘No reason.’

Camila thinks about her own tattoo, the words written along the front of her right shoulder and she spends the rest of the day thinking of every possible way Lauren would be the one to say them and having her own response, and ultimately her first words, be ‘No reason.’

There isn’t a scenario where it would make sense as a response, and she briefly wonders if it would be okay to just say it anyways, to make herself Lauren’s soulmate. The idea doesn’t sit well with her, seemingly cheating the system of fate. Guilt washes over her and she crosses off the option.

She gets home and rushes to her room, crying at the unfortunate reality that Lauren wasn’t meant for her.

They continue their silent charade the rest of the week and Camila wonders if this is what the rest of the year is going to be like; coexisting with Lauren who pretends that the younger girl doesn’t exist. Another week passes and nothing changes.

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