Destined auction (H2OVanoss/Vantoonz/Ohmnoss)

Part 56 - Goodbye

Oh, what?! You thought I was gonna make a happy chapter?! This is me we're talking about! Enjoy ^.^
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(DELIRIOUS POV)

I folded two paged letter and sighed. I hadn't thought my life would have ended this way. Forcefully push away all people I cared about the most, being left alone in the big ass house. But I knew this was the only solution how to save my company and how to leave this world with a little dignity. I knew too well Luke was irresponsible in relationships but he was god damn good in work and I wasn't afraid of what he was going to do with the money.

I stopped myself for a few seconds, letting the silence shroud me. It felt so weird and so scary.

I just hope they'll find my body before it gets too gross. Alright, time for Evan.

My heart skipped a few beats and out of habit I grabbed my phone, scrolling through his photos. He looked so live and so happy, on some just purely shy and embarrassed.

Sweet innocence.

My thumb stopped the second I saw Luke's name popping on the display. I put the phone down, rubbing my face.

I'm sorry Luke.

I grabbed another paper, knowing this had to come. Something I was avoiding and I let for the last. Letter for Evan.

Dear Evan,

I'm not sure how to even begin. If this paper found its way to you,

I shouldn't leave anything for him. I don't want him to know I'm gone. I'd rather him to hate me for the rest of his life than be sad or even cry. That's so selfish of me. But then again he's in close contact with Luke. He's gonna find out anyway.

If this paper found its way to you, that means just one thing. I'm dead.

I'm so sorry about how things ended up between us. I'm so sorry for lying to you the last time I saw you and the way I acted.
I'm so sorry you thought I didn't trust you and I'm so sorry it was once again me who made you cry.
I'm so sorry I couldn't sooth you and explain my reasons.
I'm so sorry I couldn't hold you in my embrace and I couldn't kiss you.
I'm so sorry I didn't say proper goodbye, that I lied the last minutes and that I let you go without even stopping you.
I'm mostly sorry for leaving you.

After my mum died, I had to face reality and give up on sweet childhood. I had to face my father and everything he was doing. And trust me when I say I did things I regret. 
I closed myself in, not letting anybody in through the walls. I didn't want to show I might have heart, I didn't want to believe it myself. And it worked. It worked for so many years.
Luke was the only one knowing about everything and it's ok if you ask him about it. It doesn't matter anymore.
There were only three things that mattered in my life. Luke, work and satisfying my physical needs. And as much scary as it sounds, treating everybody I had sex with the way I did made me unleash something inside me. This way I was sure I wasn't going to hurt anybody.
But then you came into my life.
You don't know how much impact you have on me. I wasn't lying when I said you flipped my life over. And I apologize for how I was acting before. I just couldn't believe what you were doing to me, to my body, my mind and my mostly my heart. Something I forgot I even had.

Thank you for everything.
Thank you for never giving up on me even though I gave you million reasons for it.
Thank you for showing me there was a thing called love and that I could share it with you.
Thank you for reminding me about all those human emotions I forgot to cherish.

Promise me please to look after yourself and always hold your head high. There's nothing in this world you're unable to reach. I want you to be happy, to smile and laugh. I hope you'll forgive me one day. For everything bad you had to go through because of me. And mostly for this moment. Death is part of our lives Evan and I was destined to leave sooner than I thought.

I told you before and I will repeat this once again. I love you Evan. I love you so much that I didn't even think it was possible.

Take care of Luke and enjoy the little thing I'm leaving behind for you. I wish I could have given you much more than just that.

Goodbye.

I quickly folded the paper, just the way I did with Luke's letter. I wiped away all tears that were rolling down upon my face and closed my eyes to get rid of the fear of what I was going to do. I wrote names on both of them, unable to look at them again, and I finally stood up.

I heard my phone ringing again but I ignored it for the millionth time. I grabbed the rope and the chair I had prepared this morning. Even though I was so sure about what I was doing, my body thought otherwise. My hands were already shaking and I was unable to stop my tears anymore. My wild beating heart was consumed by fear and by doubts.

I'm doing this for others. I have to die.

I stepped on the chair, tying the rope against the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I tried few times if it's gonna hold my weight. My uncertainty about my decisions grew each passing second and I tried not to give in to the terror I was feeling.

My breath hitched the second I heard knocking and door bell carrying through the house.

Shit! This could be Brock. He always rings a door bell before he walks in. I have to speed this up.

I tied the second of the rope around my neck and I didn't have time to think about it for longer. I had to do this before whoever is waiting downstairs gets in. I put my foot on the back of the chair and closed my eyes for just a second.

This is the only thing left to do. I have to. Love you Evan.

And with the last thoughts, and the sound of footsteps on the stairs, I kicked the chair.