BFR Critiques Entry (B.C.E)

Breathe [Maylor FF]

Title: Breathe
Author: UniqueKindOfRebel
Reviewed by: FanminsClub

Grammatical construction: 10/10

Great grammatical construction! Nothing else to say.

Grammar mistakes: 9/10

I didn't see any, except for maybe one ("... when I feel just as worse"). It's incorrect to say "just as worse" — it doesn't make any sense. Correctly you'd say "just as bad", or "just as horrible", whatever suits the event best. "Did I see my best friend in that way?" is also an example of the small mistakes scattered around your book. Good job nonetheless.

Easily understood: 9/10

The plot, the events, the characters. Nothing too complicated without being too simple like a story in a children's book. Since the story is a fan fiction, you can't get every reference, but I found that it wasn't a problem at all. You kept things "available" for any reader, even people that know nothing of the band (like me). I, for instance, didn't know who exactly the story was about and why it was a "Maylor FF", but it ended up being clarified later on.

Use of Vocabulary: 9/10

While the words you use are adapted to the situation and interesting, you've made a couple of spelling mistakes I'd rather call typos. Yeah, typos. Like "our little battled" or "I tired my best". Nothing too bad, but still worth correcting.

Use of punctuation marks: 9/10

Pretty good actually. Although sometimes you'll forget the comma before you close the quotes. Or the period, but that's rare.

Portrait of the story in the title of book: 10/10

"Breathe" is a perfect title. Roger, diagnosed with anxiety, has to breathe, just breathe (or he won't get better :/ ), and there's Brian to help him do that. "Breathe" is a title perfect for the book.

Character development: 9/10

First let's talk about Roger. He has anxiety, and at first is too scared to tell his bandmates. Eventually Brian finds out, then Deaky and Freddie, and they all try to help. And although Roger does get slightly better, it's not enough, I'd say. However, years later, he finally accepts his anxiety and embraces it (or at least "understands" it). So character development? For Roger, check. Now the others. Let's start with Freddie. He doesn't evolve a lot, but he's not the main character so I can kind of let it pass. He's rather nicely presented though. Deaky? Well he does finally admit he's gay, but can it count as development? Not really, but in a way, yes. And same thing as Freddie — he's not the main character, so it's less noticeable. Brian May, however, needs more evolution. As much as he helps Roger with his panic/anxiety attacks, I feel like it's not enough. But apart from that, he's a very interesting character you can't forget that easily.

Lessons gained: 8/10

I didn't find any lessons in your book, but hopefully you'll work on that in the future.

Conclusion:

A nice, interesting story I fully recommend! Anxiety isn't something unimportant, and you showed us that. The way you described every attack was surprising in a way, as it was precise and well explained (is it really how it happens though? I don't know, but you seem to know very well). Working on the things above will surely make the book flourish fully.

Score: 73/80

THANK YOU