𝙰𝚗 𝙰𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚃𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚝 ( 𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙿𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 )

Chapter 18.

In a normal persons mind they wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now, which happens to be sketching Draco Malfoy. I couldn't find a reason as to why I was doing this, but it also feels harmless. I know Harry, Ron and Hermione have had their fair share of run ins with the boy over the years, and I've felt a small bit of his outbursts and his wraith of anger, also, but in my eyes, he only seems to be a hot head.

I'm not sticking up for Draco, nor do I regret planting a dungbomb on him, it was deserved. But after that day I noticed he didn't bite my head off the way I've seen him to do others, Draco is the type of person to whip his wand out and cast a horrible spell unto someone who just planted a dungbomb on him, but he didn't, he was flustered, then left the room when Snape instructed. It was quite obvious he was biting his tongue to make sure he didn't say anything too damaging. But all I can ask myself is why? Why didn't he fight back? Did he not do it because Snape was there? Or was he just trying to take the higher road and not tear me apart with his words or his actions?

These are questions I'm assuming I'll never find an answer to, which for now, is okay, I'm also not all that interested in getting to know Draco's character. The entire Slytherin house has targeted me and my friends, and I wouldn't say Draco is the leader of this antagonization, but I don't appreciate the treatment we receive from the house.

I have a few classes with Draco, and I've studied him a few times. He's a jock, he has a reputation here, but I've noticed people don't adore him in a positive way or follow in his steps because they like him, they're scared of him. And if anyone knows how the world works, following a person in fear rather than because you admire them, is a slowly but sure way to have your followers around you crumble and slowly vanish. In the end, Draco will find himself standing alone if his attitude doesn't change.

I continued shading the dark around his robes on my paper, I still wasn't positive how I was going to sketch his hair since he's so bleach blonde it's almost white, and I'm still rather new at this. I drowned out the noises of the students as I began drawing the most difficult parts, someone eyes. The eyes can tell you exactly what's in the soul, how a person is feeling, but as I study Draco's. They are just dark. His eyes might be the hardest eyes I've ever had to focus on.

Harry didn't come to classes today because of some thing with the next trial, neither did any of the other champions from what I've heard. I've been thinking about him all day, I really hope he's figured out the egg and what the trial will be. I wonder if Cedric has figured out the egg? Of course I want Harry to win, but I also have slight hopes for Cedric too. I couldn't get out of my head what Harry had said to me last night, am I crazy for thinking I could possibly love him? Is it too soon? Should I have avoided his questions? Maybe I should have hidden the book, and I was definitely a dumbass for underlining certain sentences. He saw them. Harry has the right to feel the way he does, he likes me, he told me, he cares for me deeply he says, but he doesn't love me. Can I be mad at him for that? Am I allowed to be upset by this? It's only been a few months, maybe I need to take a step back. But I have this constant insecure thought about how I shouldn't have let him touch me in anyway he has if he felt this way about me, I don't believe Harry would use me to get into my pants ever. But the more thought I've put into it he says he's new to all of this too, so what if he's just as confused as I am?

I want to jump into this. I want to jump into this and have a leap of faith. But on the inside I can feel my heart hurting, because it's scared of being rejected. I'm scared. Harry and I haven't had sex, we haven't really done anything like that other than his magical ways or touching me with his hands and his lips, oh, how much I love when he touches me. My body loses complete control anytime he ever touches me. I can't keep allowing Harry to touch me in his intoxicating Harry ways if the possibility of him never loving me is actually there, I terrified to give myself to him if he doesn't want me in that way.