The March of the Black Queen (book III)

13.) Don't Destroy What You See

Cherie:

We drive the rest of the way back to Roger's house silently. After just having poured our hearts out to each other through our sobbing embrace, I feel exhausted. The mental drain is beyond me and I don't know if I'm ready to face Rose.

As we pull onto the side of the house and Roger turns the car off, my heart starts to go into overdrive, palpitating harshly against my rib cage.

"Now...just to warn you... Rose hasn't been doing so well. Uh, I don't know if you remember, but her cancer took a lot out of her. She's... she's going through testing again to see if it's... if it's back...," Rogers eyes gleam a shimmer of heart aching sadness, as he explains the condition of my best friend. I can't believe he has the strength to deal with my dilemma when the two of them are dealing with so much!

Of course, I remember about her cancer. It's been a huge source of pain to know that I couldn't be here for her. Every day was spent wondering if she was still alive. I could never get over that... if she had passed while I was locked away. Thank god, that's not the case!

I nod my head in understanding. My lips are too trembly to speak right now. I have to somehow muster up the courage to talk and as we walk up to the front door- I just can't believe I'm here right now. And I hope I don't regret this...

"Rosie?!," Roger shouts up the stairway as soon as we walk into the house. "Rose, love- could you come down here?,"

The next sound we hear is some one dry heaving- the sound is coming from the bathroom down the hallway. My heart scrunches up at the noise. My poor Rosie!

"Uhm...how about you wait in the living room, Cher? I...I think I need to talk with her first- I'll be right back!," He shouts over his shoulder while he walks towards the bathroom door. I hear him knock before entering, and he closes the door before I can hear anything else.

I walk into the living room- everything still looks the same. The black velvet couches have not moved from their positions, the curtains have changed though. I try to busy my mind with observations. There's a medical machine next to the couch that I sit on. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it looks like a monitor. God, I hope she's not doing that badly...

The two of them don't come out right away. It feels like I'm waiting an eternity. The free time that my mind has to wander, makes me feel guilty. And for all the wrong reasons, I know they're wrong. I just can't help it.

Will Jimmy know that I've left so soon? Did he see Roger? Is he going to put a hit out on my family?

I'm too scared to move. I sit frozen in the state of my distracting thoughts. Maybe I should just leave?Grab a cab, go back to the club...make up some excuse. I can say I was in the bathroom- that I was feeling sick! What if he finds me? What will he do then?

He told me never to leave. He said there would be severe consequences. Damnit! I can't believe I left! What was I thinking?! I'm endangering everyone that I love!

Oh my god, what about my aunt! What about Monserrat...he'll think she has something to do with it! I have to call her- I have to tell her I've left. I should just go back. Yes. That's the only thing to do- I can't be this selfish.

I edge my way up from the couch. I'm looking straight ahead, but vision is distorted. I feel in a daze, a trance of trauma. I know this isn't me. This isn't my own way of thinking! But... from every threat Jimmy has made against my babies...my friends...and my Freddie....

I have to go back.

Slowly making my way towards the front door, I can't even get the thing open. The loud breathtaking gasp from behind me stops me in my tracks, makes my hand freeze on the door knob.