The March of the Black Queen (book III)

26.) AAAAAaaaaaAaAaAaaaaaaah

Waht?

I ran out of lyrics to use as chapter titles.

This ones named after Roger's Lap of the Gods Falsetto.

Also.

I guess I keep forgetting to put

¡!TRIGGER WARNINGS!¡

I think cus most of my writing is "trigger-happy"
That is to say, infused with multiple triggers at once!

Um so yes, that was your warning:
Suicidal thoughts/prescription opinions (not to be taken as professional advice!!!!)

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"Is it better to sink into the depth of my darkness, or feel nothing at all?,"

"You'll need to stick to this routine, Cherie. Your body has become dependent on this medication— without it, you will undoubtedly start the withdrawal process. You may experience insomnia, nausea and vomiting, brain zaps, extreme suicidal thoughts....,"

He drones on and on. List after list. Medications, conditions, diagnoses, call centers, etc. I wouldn't be able to reiterate or spell for the life of me. But Freddie asked me to come. And so, I'm doing it for him.

He needs reassurance that I'll be okay. He says he knows I'm strong. He says he'll be here for me and love me no matter what. He says he's going to help me through this.

But, what if 'this' is me?

What if this is just how I function now? My brain has finally snapped. My mental has gone kaput. I've had a lifetime of trauma and it was only a matter of time before the levee breaks.

I knew that.

Well, I know that now.

We leave the doctors office, hand in hand. His long fingers intertwined with mine and in silence we proceed down the elevator, out of the stuffy building and to the car. 

I know he's probably trying to absorb everything that was said. Somebody has to have the facts straight, because surely, it can't be me.

We pass by the winding road of snow frosted tree tops, the radio lowly buzzing Christmas music in the background and I can't help but close my eyes to the static noise winding around in my brain.

I feel tired.
Exhausted, really.

My energy has become so depleted, I can only blame this damned medicinal ritual. I don't remember feeling this defeated.

"You need to let the medication take its course. Nothing is an immediate fix...."

The psychiatrists words replay in my mind at random times. Instances of brain fog have been clouding my thoughts. Like a fluffy blanket to cushion me from actually feeling pain....from actually feeling anything at all.

"We're here...," Freddie kisses my cheek as a wake up call. I hadn't even noticed that I'd fallen asleep on the ride to his parents house.

I follow him out of the car and carefully navigate over the thin ice that coats the walkway up to the front door. Hmmm, we should really help them with that.

"Hi, Cherie! How are you feeling, dear? I....oh...,"

"Sorry, Mum. She's...um, she just started her medication. She's not really in the state to-,"