The March of the Black Queen (book III)

18.) I Love You Until I Die

"Pregnant...," I whisper the words more to myself for clarity than to her. "You..you're...you can't be..,"

So this is why she doesn't have a problem with Jim? She's already with someone else, too...

Rose, Roger and the twins walk through the kitchen doors and into earshot as I try to piece together the remaining pieces of my sanity.

"Uh, come on, kids! You get to sleep in Emmys room tonight!," Rose says cheerfully as her and Roger both guide Charlie and Richie upstairs as quickly as they can.

My eyes stay frozen on Cherie's middle. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else, not even her rapid explanation that has her gasping for breath.

"They wouldn't leave me alone! Freddie, I was their sex toy. Living at their mercy. Praying every time for them to put an end to me. Freddie I swear I'm not going to keep it! I don't want this baby if it's not with youu! I need you to think clearly but selfishly I need you to choose me! Papi, I love you, please! I prayed to see you every damn day. I prayed for you to find me and rescue me and end the torture-,"

I held her close to me. I couldn't bare to leave her there while falling apart. Finally revealing all that she's been through when I wasn't there to keep her safe.

"Wait! Freddie- where are you- No please Freddie don't leave me..,"

I walk out to the car without uttering a single word. I scoop a sleeping Lily out of her car seat quickly, before Jim could hound me with questions.

"Where are you taking her? Is she not coming with us-,"

"Jim she's my daughter. She's staying here because I say so," Slamming the car door, I almost regret being so hostile as the loud sound almost wakes my little girl.

"What is it, Cherie what did he say—Freddie what the hell!?," Rogers judging glare sends a small fear through me as I walk back into the house.

I place Lily in his arms, the whole time my eyes never leave Cherie. She's trying so hard not to break down. With her hand clamped over her mouth to keep the whimpers inside, her sharp inhaled through her nose cause her to sputter her words one heart stabbing syllable at a time.

"Don't...go....please...need you...," I can't even respond to that. How am I meant to take all of this in and act normally as if this whole ordeal is normal!?

I know everyone probably sees me as a bastard. I won't blame them!

————————————————————

I broke up with Jim, because I don't love him enough. It's that simple. My heart knows home, and home is Cherie.

"I will love you anywhere you go...," He threatened with his finger pointing directly at the top of my nose."I'll get no sleep til I find a way back to you.... I love you, Freddie..,"

He reaches over, griping the back of my neck with one hand. He pulls me in to the kiss.

His lips are tougher than they've ever been with an added exertion of pressure so hard, it barely feels anything romantic at all. When we pull apart, he stares into my eyes without saying a word. Dropping his head, he turns for the door and walks out of my car.

I hate to watch him go, but he wasn't meant to be here. I don't know what to think of me and Jim, but one things for sure. He helped my broken heart wounds heal and for that I still love him. I'm just not in love with him. There's a difference.

———

"Please— Open up! Wake up!," My fist pounds on the door as I stand in the pouring rain. The streetlights flicker against the howling wind, but I have no place else to turn to.

"Freddie?!," her eyes go wide as she stares at me a quick second before tugging me into the doorway. "You're soaked! Here let me get you a change of clothes!," She runs back into her bedroom as I make my way into the living room.

Not wanting to sit and wet the velvet material of her sofa, I stand and drip a puddle on the floor at my feet.

"Here— you can use these. They're pretty big on me," She hands me a pair of loose fitting pajama bottoms and a shirt, two sizes too tight. It's hahah blue and says American princess on the left peck, but I guess it'll do.

"Thank you," I nod my head, while heading for the main bathroom to hang my wet clothes and change.

When I come back out there's already a tray of tea set on the small table in the center of the living room. I sit beside her and she wraps the two of us in a blanket from the back of the couch as I try my best to get her caught up to speed.

"So, how was it?! Rose called and told me. I haven't told Mama yet, I thought maybe you'd like to," She wraps her arms around my shaking shoulders as I begin to sob into the palms of my hands, feeling completely vulnerable but accepted in the her presence.

"N-No..i can't ...y-you tell her..," I respond through choking whimpers.

"Kash, I don't know what to do! How do I fix this? Everything...everything is so far gone!," Picking up my head to look at her, she pulls me closer and I do the same as we embrace each other closely.

"Freddie, is this not what you wanted? She's back! She's here! How strong can you be with matters of the heart? Life is much too short to while away with tears. Go and comfort your family. They need you...,"

By the time I get back to Rogers everyone is either asleep or in their bedrooms. I'm not even sure of the hour, precisely.

I steady myself with one long, slow breath, before tapping lightly on the door of the guest room. Within a few moments, I hear the creaking floorboards adjust to the footsteps that creep upon them.

The door opens a smidge and through the dimly lit candles inside the bedroom, I can see half of her face illuminated in a glow.

We don't bother to speak a word to eachother. I just let her image soak into my mind. The curves of her high cheekbones, are sharpened even past their normal sculpturesque points. Her eyes, once shining with golden glitters of hope never lost- are now scarily darkened to two weeping orbs of despair.

She reaches her hand out to mine, sweeping me into the bedroom and swinging the door shut behind us. She sits on the bed, comfortably perched on top of the covers, between the stacks of pillows on either side of her body.

Her eyes follow my hands as I begin to lift my shirt, pulling it off over my head and letting it drop from my fingertips to the floor. Her stare travels all over my body and I start to feel a little nervous knot begin to twist in my stomach. I quickly kick off my jeans, keeping my briefs on while I crawl into bed.

I move around a bit, until I'm right beside her, throwing the covers over us. She doesn't hesitate when I wrap one arm around her. She leans her head on my chest while her hand lays across my waistline. I bring her hand up to my lips and gently kiss her knuckles, placing her hand back down on top of my heart beat.

And, for a long time— we say nothing.