Companionate (18+) | Completed ✔️

Chapter 9: "Look at me."

Breathlessly I felt myself being pulled back down to reality. I felt the exhausting battle between my insecurities and my rational mind drown me. All I could hear was the violent pounds of the negative thoughts running through my mind.

"Excuse me?"

I looked at Tobias and in a flash, I saw Chase, the thoughts that he sealed into my mind hit me like a bus. Tobias wanted to take me home, he wanted me only for my body, he wanted another notch on his belt, he wanted a number 1, just like Chase.

And I couldn't be that, not for Tobias.

I felt my heart rate quicken at an unhealthy state, I shook my head violently at him. I wouldn't be that to him, I physically couldn't.

Tobias was my hope, he couldn't put me through that, I wouldn't survive it. "Monroe, listen to me. I can see the look on your face and I can see your mind moving at a mile a minute, I didn't mean it like that. Let me explain, okay? I - I spend most of my nights here and I use this place as my home away from home, I didn't mean -"

He sighed to himself as if that was supposed to lighten the mood but the constant pain in my mind from my shattered heart was controlling me. "Tobias, I can't do this. I can't - I'm not worth it okay? Look at me, you wanted to do a nice thing for me, all you wanted to do was show me your place and I - I just can't. You don't even want to know where my mind went when you said that."

I could see the look of concern sprawl across his features "Tobias my heart is melded with someone who constantly tears it apart right after I think he's put it back together and I don't even know how to leave him or if I can. I'm broken beyond repair. I want to give you the chance you deserve but this - this isn't worth it. I'm not worth it. I'm sorry this was a mistake, I have to go -"

It takes everything out of me to walk away but when he grabs hold of me I have no energy left to fight back, I have no fight left in me. "Monroe, I meant everything I've ever said to you. And I don't care how long it takes but I will put you back together. And whatever this turns out to be, whether we end up together or not (which I really hope we will) you will end up knowing that you are worth everything."

I felt my fragile eyes pool with broken tears. My head fell against his protective chest, it felt like being near his heart was a way to heal my broken soul but it couldn't, nothing could fix it. "Tobias, how can you even say all of that? You don't even know me."

My face sank into his chest until I felt a consoling hand stroke my hair, I let every word he said delve into me as I tried to avoid their true meaning. "Monroe."

I knew that call was an instruction to look up at him so I slowly lifted my head to meet his sincere gaze. "I don't know you and you're right about that. But I want to, you know why? Because I see the beautiful hope in your eyes, I see the pain and I see the want for something better babe. I see it every time you look at me, when you really look at me."

His beautiful vulnerability was making me feel everything beneath the surface of his irises but I had to fight it. "Tobias you met me yesterday. You can't know that's all true. I can't give you what you want. It's gonna be hard and I don't want this to hurt you. You're different and kind and beautiful and I don't deserve that."

He placed both hands on my cheeks, his eyes spoke of concern, care, vulnerability, and feelings that were growing faster than either of us could comprehend but they also spoke of honesty. "I want this with you, even if you don't think you're worth it or deserve this, you do and I do too. You said it yourself that I deserve this chance, a real chance to show you what real happiness is."

My hands held his as I leaned into his smooth skin "Tobias one day, there will be this amazing girl that you meet that can give you everything that you want and need -"