Shred Of Hearts [COMPLETED]

Chapter 6

Check out Alpha's Warrior by @brave_heart_324 and Redeemed souls by @awinterlights.

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Exus

Pain fills every cell of my body as I keep going with the unsteady punches on the punching bag. I can feel how bruised and broken my knuckles are from the vigorous and rather uncoordinated punched I'm throwing on the bag. My mind is however not focused on it. My mind goes back to her. The woman I have hurt and found pleasure in her tears.  How could I possibly do that to the one person I was meant to love, to cherish and treat right. How could I?

The look on her face still makes my heart shatter into a million pieces. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that her, the pack servant, the orphan would turn out to be my mate. The mate I have spent almost four years searching. The same mate I swore to never hurt when I witnessed my father abusing his. My mother.

Two toxic mates who caused enough scars to my sister and I. The same mates who found pleasure in hurting us. I had swore never to hurt mine and here I am, almost killing mine.

The mere thought of all the torture I  put her through eats my soul, tearing and breaking me. The rage I feel makes me want to break something. I caused her anguish, her pain and grief.

I sigh realizing that whatever I'm  doing isn't helping at all. I stop and walk away from the punching bag, my feet  leading me unconsciously to her room, her sweet scent invading my nostrils.

I take steps down the stairs to her room, a horrible looking room with barely maintained condition. I had never really cared, she was just another she wolf who meant nothing and I never minded at all. In fact I enjoyed seeing her cower, seeing tears trail down her cheeks as she shivered in fear.

I fed off her fear and each time she was near me I would make sure she knew her place, she was beneath me and that's where she would always belong, well that's until that day I nearly took advantage of her. The day I almost forced myself on her.

The memories of that night keeps playing in my mind and giving me nightmares of when she doesn't escape and I have my way, I stab her, I rape her and she. . .dies.

I wake up drenched in sweat regretting each and everything I did. It always felt wrong. I always felt it wasn't right but I loved it. I loved when she cowered in fear. When she cries out in pain, when she begged me to stop and I enjoyed the pain in her eyes as they stared up at me pleading.

Just the thought of all the things she has gone through saddens me, breaks me, destroys me. I let it all happen, I let my mate get beaten. What if she had been raped before? What if I was among guys who had taken advantage of her? What if it's not only me who took advantage of her?

The thought of it makes me so angry yet I can't reverse time. I can't go back to the past and change and recreate our lives.

I slam my hand at a nearby object which happens to be a mirror and it shatters into pieces. That's how I broke her. I shattered her. Each time I hit her, I whipped her, I tore a part of her and I loved every second of it.

I grit my teeth, clenching my fist tight as I storm out of the room not willing to see the poor state of it any further. I exit the pack house, pack members staring at me their fear barely concealed.

I understand why. I have turned cold this past few months making me cold and unapproachable. I walk out my lips thinning as I shoot a freezing glare at anyone staring at me making them cower and scurry off.

When I am far from the pack house, I let out an enormous roar for everything I have done wrong, for everything that I made her go through, things I can never reverse or undo.

What if she had not turned as my mate? What if I had killed her that night when she came? I drop to my knees forcing myself to shift into my wolf.

When you force a shift, it hurts more than even the first shift. I grit my teeth as the first bone pop. I keep chanting in my mind that I deserve this, I deserve this more than anything, I hurt my other half.

The second bone pop making me groan in pain. Everything, every pain that I had caused her flash through my eyes, every hit, every slap, every taunting and disgusting words I threw her way.

I close my eyes as the pain gets unbearable and I let out a scream as I fall on my side as more bones pop as I morph into my wolf.

My vision starts to fade at the amount of pain I was feeling. I kept repeating the same words. I deserve it.

My eyes goes blurry as more black spots appear. I pray and beg that she comes back, just like some of my pack members whose mate would leave and come back looking more beautiful than when they left.

I wish my story was as cliche as that, that she will show up and I will apologize for everything I did to her, for hurting her but I know, deep down, that when she does show up it won't be how I expect it to be.

With that thought everything around me fades and I plunge into the darkness.

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