I had made the decision to take a bit of time to myself. To focus on me, my school work and my family.
The boys had left me alone, left me to my own devices. I saw them in the school hallways and we'd acknowledge each other with a head nod. I wasn't angry with either of them, I just needed to sort out me first.
My feelings.
With my two weeks of no boys, I caught up on homework and even went for a family dinner. Things were just starting to make sense until it was all flipped upside again.
When I saw her, I thought nothing of it.
She was a new girl. Pretty, English and smart but that's all. I didn't think anything of it until three days into her first week, she was laughing at something James had said with his friends.
I noticed how close she was sitting to him. I noticed how she flirted with him, every chance she got.
I wasn't jealous. Not at all.
Just a concerned citizen.
She'd known James for three days, and I'd known him since he moved next door. Well, that's what I kept telling myself until I heard him flirt back.
Mentally, I screamed.
Physically, I walked away.
I didn't have a right to be jealous. James wasn't my boyfriend or anything of that sort, but I guess I had grown to used to him having feelings for me, that I never thought that would change.
Leaving Chase in the dark, about everything wasn't exactly what I wanted either. But I couldn't find the strength to tell him that in my time away, I realised and cursed the fact that James was in my thoughts.
He had said he loved me.
How was I supposed to ignore that?
Now that I had come to this self realisation and seeing James so happy, flirting with this new girl. I squashed whatever feelings I had and locked it in a box.
James didn't need the constant reminder that I had rejected him a few times, especially when he could be so happy with someone else.
Even if it hurt me to think about.
It was a Friday afternoon and I had surprisingly been invited to a party by a girl in my English class. I wanted to go, let loose for a bit.
Drink my troubles away.
God, I hated myself.
Here I am, a basic ass white girl crying about boy troubles when war raged on in countries, killing families, killing children. Or crying about my first world problems when the world was slowly dying and entire nations were starving to death.
Here I am, hating myself cause I couldn't tell a boy I liked, that I liked him when people couldn't even walk the streets because of their colour, sexual orientation or gender.
I hated myself for that. And I hated it even more when I couldn't even find a nice dress to wear.
I obviously opted for the comfort rather than looks but I felt super uncomfortable being all dressed up when usually Pajamas were my go to dressing style.
But before I could change my mind, I had left the house and started driving to the party. I wondered if Chase and James were going to be there.
I'd love to catch up with them. Ask them how they've been. It had been a while since I had actually spoken to either of them.
As I pulled up, I could hear the music pouring from the house and I really felt for the neighbours. But I parked, got out, locked the car and started towards the house.
My social anxiety was telling me to turn around, go home and eat an entire pizze by myself while watching Friends reruns on the television.
But I ignored it and joined the line of people trying to get through the door. Some Techno song was playing on the stereo and I had already had some guy knocked into me as he stumbled out of the party.
The house was pretty packed, which made trying to move around, pretty hard. I spotted Chase, leaning against a doorframe, laughing with a plastic cup in his hands as another guy seemed to joke with him.
I made a beeline for him and was thankful when I broke through the crowd. "Christie!" Chase exclaimed when he saw me.
"Hey," I said with a smile as I joined him.
"Christie, this is Harry, he goes to another school and he's in a band!" Chase said, gesturing with his hand holding the liquid.
"Nice to meet you," Harry said, holding out his hand.
"You too," I replied, with a polite smile.
"Hey babe, let's kick this party, Matthew sent me a text," another voice joined us.
I looked across to see a blond surfer looking guy break through the crowd. "Oh hi, sorry didn't mean to interrupt," the new addition said with a frown.
"Uh this is Conner, my boyfriend," Harry introduced to us.
I smiled as Conner blushed. "Nice to meet you," I said, looking at him.
Conner nodded. "Yeah you too, Haz, ready to go?" He asked.
Harry nodded. "Yeah maybe we'll see you around," Harry said before his boyfriend took his hand and started to pull him away.
I waved goodbye and turned to Chase who was taking a long drink from his cup. "Are you okay, Chase?" I asked when he came up for air.
He nodded. "Peachy."
Shifting uncomfortably, I touched his shoulder to which he froze. "Can we talk? Privately?" I asked, glancing around.
Chase downed the rest of the cup contents before placing it on the base of a pot plant. "Sure," he replied.
He swayed as he pushed away from the wall. Taking his arm, I looped it around my shoulders as I looked around for a more quiet spot.
We ended up outside, down the very back garden. After leaning Chase on a tree, I began to pace.
"Please stop, you're making me dozzy? Dezzy? What's the word, oh look branch!" Chase said, getting distracted.
"Chase, I don't know how to tell you this," I began.
Chase made a noise. "Is this about your feelings for my brother because let me tell you, my lady, you are not good at hiding your emotions, like at all," Chase slurred.
I froze.
"How did yo-" I could barely finish the sentence.
"Purrrr-lease, I've seen you watching him for the past few days, and I'm not gonna lie, it hurt a bit but I got over it. I knew you weren't as into me as you were James," Chase replied with a flap of his hand.
I tried to explain but Chase held up a hand. "It's okay Christie, I've mulled it over in my head and I'm not upset, well maybe a little but you can't help who you have emotions for," he said before staggering upright.
I held a hand to which he grabbed, steadying himself. "You're always going to be a good friend, and that will never change," I replied.
"Just go get him, while I go puke in the rose garden," Chase said before hobbling off.
"I'll be back, promise," I said before turning around and running back to the party.
A/N
I wonder if Chase really understands what's happening or if he's just super drunk.
Do you think Christie will get to James in time?
Don't forget to vote and comment!
Lots of love, tavana xoxoxoxoxo
