Trust Me Or Ruin Me

RUNNING AND RUINING

ALIANA'S P.O.V:-
Life is different now. Running and Ruining.

Running from old life and ruining the new one.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not from those who hurt themselves after their breakup. Or else I would have already attempted suicide numerous times.

I just don't want to feel any sort of pain. I want my brain and heart void of any emotions. I want to hurt myself up-to the point where every pain subsides. I want to feel numb. That's why I'm ruining myself to the point from where no one can help me in turning back.

It's already 1 month and 6 days since I left New York. I keep changing or you can say, running from one city to other in every one week. I don't want myself to be find out by anyone.

In order to divert my mind from him. I performed various dangerous and thriller activities. Like :-
Free Solo Climbing, Base Jumping, Wing Jumping, Bull Running, Hang gliding, Mountain Climbing, Scuba Diving, Recreational Boating, Big Wave Surfing, Heli-Skiing. (They are pretty dangerous).

I have a wall photo frame of all my adventures in my living room. My apartment is very simple and low profile. A living room, a bed room, A kitchen and a gym room. That's it.

I never allow anybody to enter my apartment. Never once I got myself involved with anyone. But exception lies everywhere. Recently I have started bike racing, from there I got along with a man, named Lucas D'cruz.

He is a handsome guy. Works in a firework industry. I met him during my second day of bike race. He is nice and I was getting anti-social so it was good communicating with a human. We are not even friends. So I never told him about myself, about my previous life or anything.

I have started something, which I never thought I would do. I hated it with all my heart but here I'm, drinking. Never in my 26 years of existence, I have drank or even touched a single drop. And now I drink  daily. I even take mild drugs sometimes so I could sleep.

There is only one thing left to completely ruin myself and that is one night stands but this body of mine is not mine anymore. It belongs to someone else. Even thinking of doing something like that I feel guilty and that's why I'm frustrated.

Doesn't matter how much I try to forget him, I never succeed. I miss him a lot. But I'm not turning back anytime soon.

I gulped remaining of whiskey and left my apartment for bike race.

I took one of my race motorbike from collection and drove to the place, driving in limit.

Race is yet to be start so I lit a cigarette and smoke some in my lungs before puffing out. I smoked 3 more cigarettes and soon Lucas joined me.

"New brand?" he asked eyeing my used cigarettes that are now crushed in dirt.

"I like change" I replied with a smirk.

"Today I'm racing against you" he informed looking excited.

"Get ready to lose" I said confidently before zipping my black leather jacket. I checked my gloves and head safety wears.

"Not this time." he replied cockily.
I badly wanted to reply  'I never lose' but I can't because I already lost him.

"Race and watch" I said and positioned myself on my bike and drove to the starting point of race.

This place is situated on hill. That means, a minute second delay of break and you'll kiss your death.

4 racers with their bikes positioned themselves on starting line.