10 HOURS AWAY | Harry Styles AU

chapter 12 - keeping it casual

10 HOURS AWAY | Harry Styles AU

chapter 12 - keeping it casual

I had never envisioned this moment in the back of my mind, but it was real. He kissed me. We kissed. And I was more than happy to finally feel his lips on mine. Secretly, I had wanted him to do this sooner but I wasn't mad at us both for waiting.

When he stopped kissing me, I felt the severe urge to pull him closer and take the initiative this time. The feeling I had just experienced was too good to be true and I couldn't let it go. I didn't want to. Although I had been kissed before, this felt like my first kiss; it was innocent yet so meaningful.

But there was no time for another kiss because he seemed impatient to break the silence; something I hadn't seen coming.

"I'm sorry." he apologized out of the blue.

My stomach churned and I rubbed my forehead as his words hopelessly confounded me.

"You're sorry?" I asked him; my voice sounding wobbly.

When our eyes met, he looked away in a split second. What was going on?

Amidst being unable to look him in the eyes, I tried to study his face. There was something wrong with the way he behaved towards me. All of a sudden, he had become cold and distant.

"I shouldn't have kissed you." Harry confessed. "I'm sorry."

"Then why-" I cut myself off by pressing my lips together firmly. I had to stop myself from giving him a chance to explain himself – to justify his odd demeanor.

Somehow, I felt conflicted and I didn't enjoy this feeling. So, as a result, I needed to protect myself immediately. Without thinking, I stepped away from him because I didn't want to be in close proximity right now. He had taken something from me he couldn't give back.

Automatically, I pulled at the sleeves of my gray hoodie. I crossed my arms against my chest while looking down at my old and dirty black boots I had worn on our day together. Humiliation overcame me while I remembered saying yes to his offer this morning.

"It's better if you go." I spoke up confidently.

I wanted him out of my apartment.

"Liz." Harry called softly.

"Get out." I wasn't going to take a no for an answer. "Please." I begged.

"Okay." he murmured.

When he grabbed his belongings I knew he was going to walk out of my apartment without a second glance. Once he shut the door behind him, I covered my face in my trembling hands. For a second I thought I was going to cry, but I promised myself to keep steady. I wasn't going to breakdown because someone decided to play with me. Someone whom I hadn't known for years.

Did he know he hurt me by apologizing so heedlessly? Did he even care about how I could feel right now? While my mind was spinning around, I knew it was necessary for him to leave me alone so I could experience peace and space. He brought chaos with him and I wasn't made for it.

I wondered if he regretted saying sorry. I wondered whether he'd go home and think about this day; the morning, afternoon and evening we spend together. From the moment he texted me till our kiss. I wondered if he'd repeat every second of our time like his favorite movie. Yet I was afraid he wouldn't.

Right then I despised myself because whenever I sought answers, I backed out.

Occasionally, I was too afraid to ask questions in order to give myself closure. But there were moments I could say whatever I wanted and be totally fearless. Alas, it wasn't today. So ruefulness closed up my throat since I knew I had gotten myself into trouble. Why did his entire existence cause me trouble in an unknown place? No one had ever consumed me so unexpectedly.