Ryan Clifford is 23 years old and she has never had a boyfriend. Her parents think she will end up alone if they don't find someone to marry her, so that's exactly what they do. They find the perfect man for their little girl: Luke Robert Hemmings.
...
Last night I barely slept. I just tossed and turned thinking about how much I fucked up and pushed Ryan away. Finally around 4a.m., I gave up and left the house to go for a drive.
I got in the car, rolled down all the windows and just drove. I didn't have a destination, I just needed to clear my head.
I thought about Ryan and our date and how she all of a sudden freaked out and insisted we go home. I really hoped I didn't do anything wrong, but she said I didn't. She also brought up our pact and reminded me not to fall in love with her. Too late, I guess.
I then thought about Sam. I realized that all the things I used to love about her didn't have an effect on me because I was in love with Ryan. I decided I needed to tell her and that I would do it tomorrow.
I continued to drive for another hour before going back home to get at least some sleep, even though that was probably impossible by now.
☆
I woke up later that morning at 9:45a.m., which wasn't bad considering I went to bed at like 5:30a.m. I decided to text Ryan and ask if she wanted to hang out today so that I could finally tell her what I've been losing sleep over.
To Ryan☼
hey, you up?
I didn't know how else to start the convo so I just left it at that and went to brush my teeth and comb out my hair. When I came back, I saw Ryan had just texted me and I got a weird feeling in the middle of my stomach. I ignored it and opened the message.
From Ryan☼
yeah just woke up. what's up?
For some weird reason, after I read this, a huge smile appeared on my face. Damn this girl had me whipped.
To Ryan☼
wanna hang out today? I can pick you up at noon?
From Ryan☼
sure see you then :)
When I read her text back, I quickly jumped up and started to grab some clothes to get ready for our date.
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I chose my white t-shirt with black writing, black skinny jeans and my leather jacket. Then, I decided to watch some Netflix to try and ignore the nerves flying around in my body.
☆
I pulled up to Ryan's house and walked up to ring the doorbell. Ryan answered and when I looked her up and down, she took my breath away.
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She was dressed in a black cropped t-shirt with 'Lady Gaga' written in white, black skinny jeans with wholes at the knees and a rose pattern on the side, black vans, rings covering all her fingers on both hands, and her hair worn down in waves.
"Hey," she greeted me. I was still left speechless, so all I did was give her a lame wave. She laughed at that. "Ready to go?" She asked, to which I nodded and led her to the car. I opened her door for her and quickly ran over to the driver's side. As I got in, I put on the radio and we did some carpool karaoke the rest of the car ride.
☆
After about half an hour, we got out of the car and began walking around the plaza where we went on our first date. Only, we didn't know it was a date then, and Ryan still doesn't know. But it was definitely a date.
My hands stayed in my pockets but I so badly wanted to reach out and hold her hand. It was getting dark outside from the dark clouds that filled the sky, and I could see Ryan was cold. I slid off my leather jacket and quickly placed it over her shoulders. She gave me a small smile as a thanks, and I stared at her for a little too long.
"Why are you staring at me?" She asked, giggling a little bit. I shrugged and looked away, reluctantly.
All I could think of was this feeling I had whenever I was around Ryan. The feeling I got in the pit of my stomach every time I saw her. The feeling I would get in my chest whenever she would laugh. I've only ever felt this feeling once before, and it was with Sam. But now when I think of Sam, I don't feel the way I once felt because I feel that way now with someone else. With Ryan.
"Ryan." I said her name, to my surprise and hers, stopping us in our tracks. "C-can I do something?" I asked, immediately wanting to kiss her.
"Yeah, su—" She started but I cut her off with my lips pressing against hers. Our lips moved in sync, molding together. It was filled with love and passion, not lust. I cupped her face in my hands, her arms staying by her side. She slowly pulled her lips away from mine, clearly caught off guard.
"Luke, I thought—we said we would be friends." She stammered, unsure of what to say. We were now standing off to the side of where we met those two boys who sang the Nirvana song for us. It started lightly raining and I could hear the thunder in the distance.
"I know what I said. But I can't help how I feel." I replied, building up all the courage for what I was going to say next. "Ryan, I love you." I looked for hope in her eyes, but she looked lost. She quickly blinked and pulled out of the grasp I didn't know I still had on her.
"Luke, I-I..." She tried to look for the words, her eyes still closed shut and her hands holding her head. She looked back up to me with pure sadness in her eyes. "I told you not to fall in love with me." She looked scared and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms.
"I can't help it, Ry. I love you, I'm in love with you. I want to be with you." I said, raising my voice a little. She shook her head and I looked to her with confusion. "Why, Ryan? Why can't you let me love you?" It was now full-on pouring and we were getting soaked.
"Because, Luke! Because I'm fucked up! I can't fall in love with someone and I'm just going to hurt you. I fuck up everything good that has ever happened to me and I know I'm going to fuck this up, too! You're better off without me." She yelled at me, tears falling down her cheeks. I didn't realize until now that I was crying too and I pulled at my hair in frustration.
"See, you don't get it, Ry! I love you and I'm not going to let you fuck this up! You are the love of my life, Ryan! There's nothing you can do that's going to push me away!" I yelled back to her. She started sobbing and she fell down to the ground. I crouched down beside her and pulled her into my lap. I rocked her back and forth in my arms, and held her tightly. The rain wasn't letting up and it continued to pour down on us.
"I love you, Ryan, and I'm not going to give up on us." I told her, my lips close to her ear. She looked up to me with her tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes. I leaned down and connected our lips. The kiss lasted for a couple of seconds, before I pulled away and stood us both up.
"Let's get you home." I said, she nodded looking down to the ground. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and she looked up to me, still looking confused. "I love you." I added, and kissed her on the cheek. We started walking back to my car and I intertwined our hands. As we walked back, I decided to make it my mission to show Ryan how much I loved her and that I'm not giving up. I will never give up on her, on us.
