More Than Divergent

22. Messy Thoughts

Eric said he had to handle the rankings and we made plans to meet up at his apartment later. I made my way toward the dinning hall.

"Theo!" I heard Tobias's worried voice. He jogged the distance between us and pulled me into an embrace. "Uriah told me Marcus was here. Did you see him?" Tobias pulled away and examined me like Eric did after Marcus left.

"Yea I did" I looked away.

"Did he hurt you?" his tone serious.

"He's done worse." I gripped my wrist.

"What happened?"

"Eric stopped him before he got out of hand."

"Eric?"

"Yea he had him escorted off of the compound, not before threatening to kill him" I smiled at the last part. Tobias looked shocked at what I had just revealed.

"Theo!" Will had called out. "They're announcing the rankings!"

"We'll talk later." Tobias said and walked with me toward the dinning hall. I walked in and looked to the balcony and saw Eric looking down. I looked toward the screen and there I was ranked.

1. Theo

I was number 1. I hugged Will, we all had made it past the first stage.

"One!" Uriah had caught me in a bear hug. "And it's all thanks to me." Uriah said proudly.

"How?" I prompted.

"I taught you how to throw a punch and you made out with me which is good luck for anyone.." Uriah crossed his arms proudly.

"Ok first you didn't teach me how to punch, you held my hand, there's a difference. And second I didn't make out with you, I distracted you in order for my team to win." I shoved him.

"Lets agree to disagree." I felt his fingers lace themselves in between mine. "Let's all go out and celebrate." I felt uncomfortable knowing Eric could be watching and pulled my hands from Uriah's. I wasn't with Eric or didn't have any serious feelings for him. I liked spending time with him even when he was being an asshole. He had his moments like before in his apartment, but it didn't change the fact that Eric was Eric. Yet I knew, whatever I had with Eric I didn't want to risk losing it. Without him I would've never made it as far as I did and if he didn't interrupt early with Marcus I would probably be in the infirmary right now.

"I have to go" I slipped my hand free from his and walked away from the crowd. Uriah followed me into the hallway just outside of the Pit.

"Theo?" Uriah called after me and I just walked down a hallway until I was out of sight.

I kept walking until I reached the same roof as before. I sat back down at the same corner and looked at my view. There was beauty in the collapsed buildings. The wildlife had reclaimed parts of the city. I sat in silence thinking about everything.

I was number 1 of all initiates. I had actually made it past the first part of the initiation and came out on top.

I had my brother back, he had changed over the years but he was still my brother. His name was no longer Tobias to me. He was now Four just like I was Theo. We are different people now, we became someone new to survive.

I had friends. In abnegation I only considered Tris a friend because I was with Caleb. I never considered giving her the chance to actually be a friend and now she is the closest thing I have to a best friend.

Uriah I would consider a close friend, he knew about Four being my brother and I see him as a great person. I just can't return his feelings. I care about him and I don't want to lose him. What I feel for Uriah is the same for what I felt for Caleb. It's nothing compared to what I feel about Eric.

Eric... I don't know how I felt about Eric, but I knew I felt something. When I kissed Eric I didn't want it to stop. I wanted to be closer to him and feel his touch on my skin. Although he was strict and a jerk during training, we would talk about almost everything. He was able to deal with my attitude and give it to me right back. Other times I wanted to rip his stupid fucking head off and shove it up his ass. I don't think I'm wrong to say he somewhat cares about me. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he saved me from Marcus today. I don't want to think about what would've happened if he hadn't interrupted.

I froze. I had spent days fighting, and learning to protect myself. I froze. I had built so much rage and resentment toward Marcus. And I froze. I couldn't do anything but stand there and have someone else stand up for me. I'm grateful Eric stepped in when he did, but I should've stood up to Marcus. I should've been the one to threaten his life or throw him to the wall. I froze.

My hand gripped the concrete so tightly it started to cut into my skin. I looked around at the ruins surrounding me, the wind biting my skin. I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to think or dwell on this shit anymore. I stood up flexing my sore hands and decided to make my way to Eric's apartment. I was halfway to the door when it burst open.

"Theo" I stood there as Uriah walked toward me. "Ok look, I just need to get things off my chest and afterwards I'll leave you alone."

"Uriah-" I spoke.

"No Theo please just shut up and listen." He stood in front of me looking uncomfortable. "Ok I'm a pretty confident guy Theo. I'm sure of who I am. Except when I'm with you." He paused and searched for the right words. "When I'm with you I get nervous and I think you know why." His hands cupped my face and his lips met mine. His kiss was warm and soft. His lips lingered a bit longer than necessary and then pulled away. "I want a chance to be more than just a friend." I couldn't help but feel guilty. My stomach start to knot and I placed my hand over his.

"Is it my turn?" I asked.

"Yea." Uriah chuckled.

"Uriah..." my serious tone made his smile fade.

"Oh..." his eyes met mine and it crushed me to see him upset.

"I care about you a lot. You have become one of my closest friends." His hand dropped from my face. "But I don't think I can." I reached out.

"Ok." With that Uriah left as quickly as he came. My heart ached at the thought of losing Uriah as a friend. How could anyone want to be friends with me. I felt horrible. I wanted to talk to someone. The only person I could think of was Eric. So I headed toward his apartment.