"One more"
I walk slowly while holding the rails. It's been more then a month doing the same exercises. There is still pain, and a lot of physical therapy to get done. After another try, I take a breather. I take a chair by the window, and look out into the grass. My mom isn't with me right now, she's taking care of some errands before she picks me up. I told her to go even though she wanted to stay. She has a life outside of this, and I want her to have that. These past months, it's been about me. I don't want it to be like that.
"You do this every day you're here kid" Brian my Physical therapist tells me as he takes a seat next to me. He looks at me, then at the grass.
"Why are we looking at grass?" He questions me. He's actually a funny guy, and he always trying to make light of things. He's been helpful with it. Friends and family visit me when they can, and it's great and all.. but nothing can fill the void.
"You know, when you come in. You have this determined face, but by the end of it.. it's like your missing something. Your mood completely changes, and it makes me wonder"
"What gets you going everyday, for your age. I would assume it'd be music, drawing, school?"
I've been going to school, everyone has. We live like it never happened but that's part of moving on. We found strength in one another, and kept going. My birthday has passed, and my parents had a dinner for me. I didn't want anything big, so we invited the people closest to me. Sam and Charlie are always by myside, Derek and I haven't talked since his first, and last visit at the hospital. 1st period is awkward, luckily I've made more friends in there. So I just sit with them, Derek talks to no one in that class. It makes me sad that he's lonely but.. it's just one class so he can suck it.. I can be petty. Mal has also been my rock, we text everday. Always sending me words of encouragement, we aren't dating yet.. because we want to do it the right way. We don't want to start off with long distance, especially with our first date. I've kept myself for her, and she's doing the same. Emily, Lindsey, Rose, and Sam added me to their group. Constantly receiving memes, videos of Sonnett dancing. They always keep me laughing, I love them. Anyway, back to his question.
"My family and friends.."
"But" he comments leaning over his chair to, showing his interest in me.
"It's not enough"
"Then what is kid? Because I need to know"
"It's going to sound silly to you." I tell him, and he looks at me confused to whatever it could be.
"Hit me with it.. wait, is it weird?"
I chuckle at his comment.
"Soccer"
"Soccer? Like where you just kick a ball around?" He raises his eyebrow.
"Well to you it's just kicking a ball around. To me it's everything, my passion, my first love. When I had nothing, I had soccer. It became my 2nd home. That ball is just a ball to you, but to me it's so much more then that. Soccer is nothing like any other sport, it's beautiful and creative. It brings people of all different countries together, it brings communities together. It's playing with people who have the same energy bursting out of their chest for the love of the game, being a family, a team. Passion, and adrenaline runs through your veins when your on the pitch, I wish I could entirely explain to you why I love it. I just can't, and anyone else who loves it, understands that. It's just, so damn beautiful.."
Time Skip
Yesterday, sparked a feeling inside me once again. Telling him about my passion for soccer, reminded me of how much I love it and how I'd do anything to play it. So here I am, in the back yard, with my prosthetic leg. I hold on to the fence with my good arm. I kick the ball lightly, one step at a time. I let go of the fence I was using, and I slowly walk kicking the ball. It's like I'm 5 again, having no experience or knowing what to do but kick it. I'm back where I started, and I hate that.
