Starting over {Damien Haas}

Chapter 37

Today they are filming an episode for the podcast and Courtney is freaking out. And when I say freaking out, I mean shes been pacing around the office all morning. Today is the day she plans to come out to the fans and explain her sexuality. She doesn't fully understand it herself but over the last few months she's been coming to grips with the fact that she's not straight. I mean, I've been suspicious of that for years and years. When we were younger, Courtney would always tell me stories of her 'endeavors' with other girls and the little bisexual in me was always jealous that she got all the action and she 'wasn't even into girls'. I came out to my family when I was in 17, right before I started grade 12 which is when I got my first and only official girlfriend. We lasted less than a year and our relationship wasn't always great but it taught me a lot about not only myself but about the rest of my family.

Everyone was surprisingly supportive which is what I think gave Courtney some reassurance that if she did ever choose to tell anyone. That day came for her one night in April when I'd just started living with her, Wes left the apartment to go on a trip with his at the time fiancé and Courtney and I got into a bottle of wine, let's just say it brought some secrets out of her. I remember the day like it's yesterday. Courtney got home from work after a particularly long day and wanted to just relax, that is until I pulled out a bottle of wine that I'd bought at the store earlier that day. We set everything up exactly like how we'd have sleepovers when we were younger. We would get into pajamas, order a pizza, pull out all the face masks we had and gossip while watching whatever movies were on demand; it really was a simpler time. The alcohol beverage really added something interesting to that night.

Flashback:

"I'm exhausted!" Courtney yelled as she walked into the door, pulled my attention from the groceries I was putting away. She kicked off her shoes, dropped her purse on the floor and collapsed onto the couch. "I just wanna sleep forever." she mumbled, burying her face into the couch cushions. "are you sure about that?" I asked, eyebrow raised as I walked around the corner with a bottle of rosé in my hand. She looked up briefly and suddenly her whole demeanor changed "you know what, maybe a glass or two won't hurt." she said, pushing herself up to sit. "I was thinking that we can have a good old fashioned girls night, Miller addition." I said, setting the bottle down on the coffee table and crossing my arms over my chest nonchalantly. A smile spread over her face and she jumped up, pulling me towards the bedroom to change into pj's. This is going to be a long night.

The pizza has arrived and the movies had been picked out, I put the first one on and we sat back to eat our pizza and struggled as our masks hardened. Over the next couple of hours we talked about everything that we'd missed out on in each other's lives and polished off the whole large pizza as well as most of the bottle of wine. We were on our third and final glass when things began to get deep. "do you remember Missy?" I asked, taking a sip of my wine. "Missy J or Missy S?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Missy Johnstone, my ex." I said with a laugh and her eyes widened. "oh my God, your girlfriend from high school, I totally forgot about her! Of course I remember her because you guys dated behind everyone's back for like a month and when you broke up, it made lunch super awkward." she laughed, making the nostalgia flow back into my mind.

Honestly that made lunch hell, at least we broke up at the end of the school year so we only had to sit with each other for another month before I graduated. She was a year younger than me, in Courtney's grade and Courtney would call and tell me whenever my name came up which was apparently a lot. "we talked the other day for the first time in like 5 years and she was telling me how she's getting married next year and you wouldn't believe to who." I exclaimed, hitting the back of the couch in excitement. "who?!" she asked, giving me her full attention. "Jessie Lane." I said casually, taking a sip of my wine. "no way, she slept with like every guy on the football team." Courtney said in disbelief to which I just nodded. "I know, apparently her family was super religious so she tried to suppress her sexuality and like slept around to convince herself she was straight. Apparently it didn't work because they ran into each other at a coffee shop like 4 years ago, hit it off and they've been dating since. Her parents weren't happy with it so they disowned her so she's taking Missy's last name."

A sudden look of guilt passed over Courtney's face and I put my glass down. "what's wrong court?" I asked, scooting closer to her. "I uh... I knew that Jessie was gay." she said, looking into her lap. "how? I didn't know you guys were that close." I said, my interest peaked. "well, she was the first girl I every hooked up with, not just a quick kiss. We were in grade 12 and we were skipping an assembly with a bunch of other people and we all went to her house since it was just down the street. We all stayed there for a while till everyone but me decided to leave. We stayed there and talked for a while when she suddenly leaned in and kissed me. It took me off guard at first but she was super pretty so I just went with it. One thing lead to another and... I guess you can say she was my first girl crush. I'm... Not straight, and I know that now but that's taken me a long time to come to terms with." she let out a long breath she'd been holding in, not bothering to look me in the eye.

"it took you this many years to tell me? Really court?" I said, trying to act seriously. She looked up, the guilt still painted all over her face until she saw the smile on mine. "why are you smiling?" she asked, her eyebrows knitting together. "Courtney, I've known you weren't straight since we were in middle school." I chuckled, patting her leg comfortingly. "how?!" she exclaimed basically jumping off the couch. "Because I'm your best friend and your cousin. I've seen and heard a lot of the last 26 years of my life, 25 of which were spent with you. I'm just upset that you didn't tell me earlier." my smile faltered a bit and she pulled me into a tight hug. "I wanted to but I didn't know for sure myself. No more secrets, I promise." she said, pulling away and showing me her pinky, I wrapped mine around hers and squeezed it tightly. We chuckled and pulled away after a moment then turned our attention back to the tv. "wait, you were with Asher in grade 12!" I said, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. "we for together like a week later now watch the damn show!"

~~

"you coming babe?" Damiens voice brought me back to reality, I simply nodded and took the hand which was held out for me. "Courtney's nervous for today, isn't she?" he asked me after a long silence. I took my bottom lip between my teeth and nodded, "of you have no idea. She can't decided if she doesn't want to go through with it or she just wants to get it over with. I know the feeling, it's the same feeling I had for weeks leading up to me coming out to my family." I said, swinging our conjoined hands back and forth. He smiled at me then swung our hands even harder, making me laugh. "I'm sure she'll be fine, most of the fans are already speculating and they're all pretty understanding and accepting." he finished and I nodded in agreement. "well I hope you're right, for her sake." with that, we walked into the room, gave each other a final quick kiss and parted ways. Damien sat in his seat beside Courtney and gave her a side hug and I sat between Ryan and Kevin, saying a silent prayer.

The podcast started as usual, they talked about Ian's inability to use social media to start things off and keep the air of the podcast light. It came time for Courtney to speak, and I knew it was her que because they were talking about Superwoman coming out as bisexual on Twitter. They discussed normalizing mental illness and sexuality before Courtney's face suddenly turned pale. She looked at me and I mouthed "you've got this" to her. She let out a breath and began, "I am not straight, that is something I only recently started working through; and I'm still kind of working through it. But it is something that I've felt is important for people to know because it's so important to normalize things that people are insecure about." she continued talking about questioning sexuality and how you don't have to have everything figured out right away. Everyone listened respectfully and as I saw her relax and loosen up, I did the same. I couldn't be prouder of my baby cousin in that moment and I know she's glad she finally said it too.

Hey guys, I just wanted to come on here and say that I've noticed something weird happening in smosh videos for the last month or so, everything damien does is related to babies, everything like try not to laugh is constant baby jokes, they're always talking about that kind of stuff, they did the every pregnancy ever video recently and I was just watching the new smosh games video where they're making 'the perfect woman' and they literally put him in staring lovingly at a blonde pregnant woman, like it's like they know. They're always talked heavily about babies associated with damien but it's just like picked up steam. Anyways, I just found that cool idk I'm weird lol. Anyways, I'll be uploading again tm as it is Christmas and I have a very special chapter coming on new years so look out for that. Have a good day y'all, love you!