Guardian

22. Different?

Jeongyeon

I woke up with a smile on my face. Although the night didn't end well, I know that overall, it is good.

Her words left a sting on my heart last night. I know I'm still wasn't fully sure of my feelings towards her and she has a point, if you couldn't see yourself together for the rest of your lives, you shouldn't pursue it in the first place.

I don't want to hurt her. I'll make sure to made up my mind as early as possible and I know someone who could help me. Momo.

"What can I do for you that you cannot do for me?" She said joining me on my bed.

"I think I'm starting to like Sana." I opened up. I readied myself for a landing pillow of whatever when I saw her widen her eyes. Good thing she didn't do any.

"I thought you like Nayeon!" She said exaggeratedly so I had to cover her mouth.

"I know. I know. But I told you, it's just a little crush. I admired her but what I feel towards Sana is different. I think it's more than a plain crush." I explained opening a chip snacks.

"I had kissed Nayeon, it was nice. But when Sana and I kissed, it's different. Its haunting me every night." I confessed making the Japanese girl even more surprised.

"You kissed them both? There's kissing happening to this dorm and we don't even know it? Oh my gosh!" I could understand that she's having a hard time absorbing those informations but no need to shout!

"Aren't you just a pervert? You kissed them both. Or what about a player. No offense dude but, one second you like Nayeon. Another second and you shifted to Sana." Momo said awkwardly to me.

Am I that bad?

"I'm warning you, Sana isn't a good specimen for an experiment. She's been through a lot." She said facing down.

"Sana had a boyfriend,Suho. They're together since junior high up to 2nd year college. When we entered college, that's the time he started to change. He's studying in a different university. He said he fell out of love but we think that she dumped Sana because Sana couldn't give what he wanted. He wanted Sana to sleep with him. Sana often caught him having affairs but she forgave him because she wanted to save their relationship until Suho said he no longer love Sana." Momo narrated.

"That's the first and last time we saw her crying. She locked up herself for weeks. And she's locking her heart for two years now. After Suho, we never saw her dating nor entertaining men. To her, they're all jerks." Momo continued.

"So if I were you, you better made up your mind first. I am not saying you could play with Nayeon but if you don't want to end up hurting both of them, you better fix yourself first." Momo said patting my shoulder.

I hugged her and thank her for the advice.

I'm taking my first step today. Starting with Nayeon.
—-

I asked Nayeon if we could talk and she agreed so we went to the roof top.

"What is it? Miss me already?" She said smirking.

"Ani. I actually have something to tell you." I said and settled myself beside her.

"Let me guess. You want this shit to go over." She said facing the building views.

"I'm sorry." I wanted to make this as cool as I could but I think I failed.

"It's okay. No harm done. I know it will happen sooner and later. But I want you to know that I enjoyed it." She said putting her hands in front of her.

"Really? You're not mad at me?" I asked confusedly.

"Why would I? I kissed you coz I like to. You kissed back coz you like it too. Now that you no longer like it, then its cool with me." She smiled confidently. "But can we atleast had a goodbye kiss?"

Should I agree or not? But I also have something to prove within me. I want to make sure. I want to confirm it.

"Sure." I nodded at her so she circled her arms on my neck to pull me. She touched my lips with her and started to taste it. I kissed her back but I felt empty so I pulled away.

I confirmed it. My heartbeat raced when we first kiss because I had a crush on her before and it was my first kiss with a girl. But now, I felt nothing. When I kissed her back, I wished it was Sana. I think I'm sure now.

————
SANA

I barely slept last night because of the happenings yesterday. Jeongyeon was extra sweet to me yesterday.

Her gestures are sending signals to me that it could be a start of a good relationship and I'm afraid to mess it up.

I know I haven't date anyone for two years but it doesn't mean I do hate love. There's a difference between 'I'm afraid to love.' And 'I don't want to love.' After the heartbreak I had, I became afraid to love again. For two years, I got crushes too but I never had been into serious dating after Suho. He taught me not to risk in uncertain. But this time, it's Jeongyeon. I wanted to believe that she's different. I wanted to try again.

If ever she would want to date me for real, I also want to be ready for her. I think it's time to let go of the past and be open for the future.

Wait, Am I being to delusional? She hasn't told me she like me yet.

I decided to went to the rooftop. I always go here whenever I need to think. The view relaxes me and helps me to think rationally.

I'm on the last landing when I saw two figures talking. I peeked and found out it's Jeongyeon and Nayeon.

What are they doing here?

I saw how Jeongyeon faced Nayeon. Nayeon circled her arms to Jeongyeon's neck and they kissed. The vision on my head shattered into pieces.

I'm dumb to give colors to what Jeongyeon acted yesterday. I'm dumb to believe we could be more than friends. I'm dumb to believe that she's different.

———
[A/N: Are you hurt? Aniyo? Want a more painful one? Just kidding. Thank you @twizone3 for the continuous support! Happy reading]