girl crush [ forty six ]

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"because now, i'm back, back home,"


as i sang the last line of the last song i'd perform for my redebut under sm entertainment, i could hear the cheers of my family in sm. i grinned, before bowing and then heading offstage. while walking down the stage, though, i saw that taeyong was there to help me down so i smiled at him and then accepted his hand.


while walking towards our place, him being in nct and me being a soloist sat in between red velvet and his group, i could see the eyes of my former azes members. with something stirring up in my heart, i couldn't face them. instead, i headed straight to my seat and then sat down as if nothing has happened.


when i was already sat, taeyong decided to swap seats with mark who was beside me. agreeing, mark went to taeyong's seat and then started  chatting with haechan. taeyong then gave me a smile, before looking a few rows behind us where the yg artists were.


"are you sure you don't wanna greet them? i mean, your yg family back there. they're pretty much eyeing us right now," said taeyong, and as i was about to speak, irene unnie was the one who answered for me.


"just let it be first, taeyong. if they'll approach her or if their paths cross, then she can greet them as a sign of respect. if she isn't ready to talk with them yet, then she can just avoid them for the mean time," said irene unnie, and i gave her a small smile before nodding at taeyong.


"um, sure. but i can accompany you if you wanna greet them," said taeyong, and i just nodded.


our attention were then lifted from our conversation when the new soloist of the year award was being announced. i was surprised when taeyong held my hand, and i was sure that irene unnie noticed it so she held my hand as well.


"taeyong, stop being way too obvious. the media can patch up your actions, you know that. what if they release a dating scandal about you two?" asked irene unnie, and then we looked at him. he just shrugged his shoulders before answering her.


"like you said, let it be. i just wanna make her feel comfortable. besides, the media probably already knows that we're close friends ever since her songs were released. i'd stick with my decisions," taeyong replied, so we all faced forwards/


"the new soloist of the year award goes to... choi sooji!"


i widened my eyes. what? i could hear red velvet and nct cheering, standing up, but i was too shocked to function. i... i won the award? oh, my god! oh, my god.


"sooji! you won! go get that trophy!" said joy unnie happily, making me feel tears brimming. 


i was so happy! somehow, everything was starting to get back into place, to where i wanted them. i was starting to feel... happy. and that's a good thing.


as i was approaching the stage, i hugged all of the members of red velvet, them hugging me tighter. i knew that they were proud of me, they always voiced it out. and that was enough to make me feel accomplished.


nearing the stage, i was startled when i saw azes approaching the stage as well. i widened my eyes and then bowed at them, realizing that they were gonna perform a special performance after my award was received.


"congratulations," muttered minsoo unnie, but i felt like it was lifeless. are they too tired, now? i wonder how yg is treating them. brushing away the thoughts, i gave her a smile before bowing again and receiving my trophy.


maybe i'd have to catch up with them soon.


after my thank you speech, i went back to my seat beside red velvet. i was surprised to see that they suddenly turned protective of me like someone was going to kidnap me.


"what did she say?" asked yeri, and i smiled at her before shaking my head.


"she... just congratulated me."


"congratulations again, sooji! let's celebrate tomorrow!"


"sure,"


"just us. red velvet,"


"i'm not-"


"you still are red velvet sooji for us. you're still our sister,"


"n-ne. thank you. that makes me feel happy."


"of course. we missed you like crazy,"

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