The Emerald Thief - Merlin BBC [1]

Chapter 31: Despair No More

Edythe's P.O.V.

Unable to sleep despite my body being so weak, the tears ran for a while, consecrating I had reached rock bottom. They have all but dried now, staining my dirt covered face, the flesh dry and cracked. I stare at the speck of moon through the barred window, half of the moon hidden behind the castle's walls. I try to stay out of my head, the emotions swelling in there making it hard to stop crying. Which has become more like a moaned sob as I have no tears left.

My brain had somehow convinced me that Leon was dead, bringing a flood of emotions I didn't understand. Pain punched through my chest until I couldn't breathe. It pooled deeply into my vessel with piercing agony. This only led me to think of Percival and if he too was dead, or perhaps worse.

That then brought more thoughts, wondering if Morgana had won. I wondered how many days Arthur had left and if he was on borrowed time. Much like ourselves in this cell. I dwelled in the thought that he may have already fallen.

I thought of Merlin, wondering if the warlock already tried to help and died trying. My mind is broken beyond hope. Apart of me knows that my mind is simply playing tricks on me, giving in to the pain...but still I go on, and I don't know-how.

Gwaine had fallen asleep, his head placed in my lap as I had forced him. I wanted to help him, even if it was something as simple as a comforting gesture. I discovered he wears a silver chain necklace, a strange metal symbol and ring attached. I've never noticed the jewellery before. Gwaine always dressed in armour, thus covering the accessory. I admired the necklace, wondering if perhaps it was from his mother? Or maybe his father?

Somehow it has given me some peace, something to think about.

My dress is ruined, the green covered in blood, dirt and god knows what else. My hair is a tangled bird's nest around my head, a familiar look when thinking back to my thieving days. I would usually banish those thoughts, but now, thinking of the past is the lesser of the evils in my mind.

Somehow, I've managed to become accustomed to the cold, goosebumps still all over my body, but the shivering less server.

"Edythe?" Gwaine questions, voice still rough with sleep.

"Hm?" I hum.

"You've been crying", he notes, hand reaching out to wipe the stains from my face. I close my eyes, trying to hold back more with his gesture, his voice bringing me back from the world I have managed to put myself in.

Gwaine sits up, letting out a groan of pain, body creaking as he does so.

"Don't hurt yourself", I warn, reaching out to grab his arm for support.

"I don't think that matters anymore", Gwaine observes, leaning on the wall next to me.

"Don't say that", I whisper, not liking that Gwaine is giving in. Gwaine has always been a fighter, loud spoken and never backing down. To see him be quiet and broken down only makes me feel worse.

"Sorry", he apologises. "I don't like seeing you like this."

"And you think I like seeing you like this?" I snap, "Sorry" I quickly apologise, regretting my harsh tone when the words leave my mouth.

"It's okay", Gwaine whispers. "You don't have to apologise for being honest."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

I shake my head. "Remain so calm...." I've always been confused by how Gwaine can be so peaceful despite the horrors he has faced. "I've lost my mental battle at least three times this week", I add, my eyes fuzzy from tiredness and lack of sleep.