Wilful Wife | ✓

Chapter 16 : Perplexed

Love is constant in the equation of life, it transforms but always stays...

It was late afternoon. Both of them were wasted after their slow yet passionate love making since the morning.  Jaanki raked her fingers through his hair as he slept like a baby. Tears glowed in her eyes. She couldn't even imagine a life without him. She moved and pulled the duvet over him. Kissing his forehead she got out of bed to take a shower.

While he slept, she sat beside him reading about anything she found related to IED. She read blogs from people who had been through it, people who knew such people closely and medical scholars and scientists. She was distracted by the door bell. He shifted to the other side while she went to the door. She had ordered some lunch for them. She entered the room and sat beside him. Whispering into his ears, "are you hungry Jaaneman? Eat something and then sleep." 

He hummed in sleep pulling her hand close to him. "Avi, eat something.." she spoke softly ruffling his hair the curve of her lips not giving up. He opened his eyes steadily with a serene smile gracing his features. 

"You're glowing!" He whispered tucking her loose locks behind her ear as she leaned over him. 

She giggled finding it amusing that he was actually implying the after sex glow, "thank you for the compliment, let's eat." 

He sat up and leaned over the bedrest. "You make me so tired.." he complained. 

She shook her head knowingly with a smile, playfully whacking his thigh." I will bring lunch here." Saying that she walked out while he closed his eyes resting his head back. 

Towards the evening, Jaanki was snuggled up against him on their couch, flipping through channels. He seemed distracted. Jaanki knew that she had to understand he wasn't doing it willfully. "Jaan..." she dreaded what was to come. 

"Not now, Avi. Please, let's just stay this way." She spoke not wanting to talk about what came next. 

"We have to face it,  Jaanki. It's bothering me." He spoke withdrawing his arm from around her shoulder. She pulled away a little, looking at him. "What if I die.."

"Shut up!" He snapped angrily and she gulped, gradually pulling away from him. 

"You are the reason I live," She  spoke gently taking his hand in her hold and rubbing it. "Take a deep breath." She prompted while her hand reached to rub soothingly over his chest. He visibly relaxed, rather unexpectedly. For once he felt he could control his rage. 

"Feels better?" She whispered. He stared at her and turned so that he was now sitting fully facing her. He held her hands. 

"Jaan, I love you. But just once step in my shoes. The guilt that I feel is terrible. If I hurt you in any way, the guilt will drown me. In the past few days, my behavior has hurt you. What if it gets still worse from here? You and I both know that I am not the same around. I am not affectionate. Jaanki, now you will put through all of this. But you can't be doing it forever. What if... I never love you the same way? I will be damaging not just you but for us. Please...understand. It's not he time to be stubborn. I need your help...give me the space." 

Silence fell between them.

"Think over it." He said leaning, to kiss her forehead. With silent steps, he disappeared into the room leaving her alone.

Jaanki sat perplexed. He made sense. No matter how much she tried to not accept, the fact remained. She would be hurt. She had two options now. To chose him and stay. Or to choose them and give him the space. She couldn't walk out when he needed her the most. But, did he actually need her? Maybe he was right when he said that she needed to help him by giving him the space. By not being around him. But how could she not be around him? That would hurt too. 

She sat aimlessly staring at the television, thinking and rethinking. Maybe she should just wait to see what the neuro specialist had to say. Perhaps there would be a way, she could help him by staying. She lay on the couch already missing his warmth. Yes, he had changed. But, she knew, she believed that her love for him hadn't.

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Do vote and pour in your thoughts. Sorry I was caught up and couldn't update earlier.

-Anami! ♡