Wilful Wife | ✓

Chapter 17 : Sorrow

You only know you love him when you let him go...

Jaanki sat before the therapist timidly. Avinash had been taken to a different room for the tests. The lady, his therapist was in her early thirties; her name was Yukta. She was beautiful in all honesty. Her face had this sweet expression that made anyone comfortable instantly. A pang of jealousy hit Jaanki as she realized that her husband had been sharing everything with this lady sitting before her rather than with her. He had briefly introduced her to Yukta before leaving.

"He was adamant about not telling you about it. How did he actually get to doing it?" She asked smiling. 

"He can't hide things forever," Jaanki stated dryly as worry was steadily eating her up. 

"Jaanki, I need you to answer a few questions. It's of importance because you're the closest family member to Avinash. How has his behavior been towards you lately?"

"Aloof," she answered honestly summing up his behavior in a single word, looking down at her fingers. "There are moments when he warms up and then goes back to being cold. I don't know how much of it his disorder makes him do and how much he does to keep me away. It's perplexing." Added thoughtfully.

"Has he ever... it's obviously not him but his disorder, has it ever made him violent towards you?" 

"No," Jaanki answered meeting the woman's eyes, rather fiercely.

"Look, Jaanki, his disease is going to be hard to keep up with. The irritability may get worse time. His disinterest in emotional attachment is his brain's doing. He has no control over it. However, in Avinash's case, he does have control at most times. If there is anything, any event that triggers anger, that's what gets him eventually out of control of his own self. As his therapist, I am bound to inform you that it may have worse outcomes. You could be the target of his outbursts as well. I suppose and hope, Avinash has told you about the previous instances where he had...beaten up and hurt people around him physically and mentally."

Jaanki nodded, muttering, "he did." 

"Jaanki, in clear words he might physically harm you in a fit of anger." 

Jaanki swallowed the lump formed in her throat, hearing that. Her heart wanted to scream out that he wouldn't, however, she simply nodded in affirmation. "I am aware."

"Also,...if his explosive disease gets worse..he may resort to harming himself." Jaanki's heart stopped beating and she met the woman's eyes. A silent prayer leaving her heart. 'Please never make that true.'

"I have read about it." Jaanki spoke up gathering all her courage, her hands now cold. 

The lady sighed, "Avinash, told me that he was trying to convince you to leave...he wishes to no longer stay with you. What is your.."

"I can't and don't want to leave him. He needs me the most. Please explain to him that pushing me away is - stupid." Jaanki spoke before the woman before she could complete. 

"Jaanki, as a therapist...I have seen many cases. I would recommend you to live separately. I also suggested Avinash to consider shifting to a rehab center for a while. That however, didn't go well down with him. He got very enraged at the suggestion."

"Obviously, he has me, his family, his home. Why would he go elsewhere?" Jaanki spoke disgusted by the suggestion.

"Listen, please try and understand, that your husband needs help."

"I know. And I suppose that his why he has me and you. I am willing to be a part of his life, and his journey to being fully control of his emotions and himself."

Yukta sighed. "Jaanki, let's consider a scenario. You started living with him. Being a part of his remedy process. If he hurts you, just consider a hypothetical situation. The aftermath would result in his guilt. He cannot afford to be in a pang of guilt as torturing as that because I am aware, that if anybody he cares about, it's you. If he can't bear it, he may do something really reckless. Do you understand fear Jaanki? Do you understand what could be your husband's darkest fear? Do you see that far? We can't take chances that have more risks. Avinash's violent emotional outbursts have happened over a really short period of time. We can't take risks."

Jaanki sat back in her chair no longer able to hold back her tears. She buried her face in her palms. Frustrated to be crying before a stranger. She felt a hand caressing her back and looked up to find Yukta standing close. "The decision lies in the hands of you two. My job is to just recommend the best." 

Jaanki nodded and walked out quickly. 

Once into the common restroom for ladies, she finally let her tears stream down and broke into cries. They say you only know that you really love someone if you let them go. Maybe it was time...

...to let him go.

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That was heart-wrenching to write.😔

Do vote and pour in your thoughts. 

-Anami! ♡