Wilful Wife | ✓

Chapter 19 : Analysis

"Some people know us better than we know ourselves..."

Yukta had given them a break and then summoned Jaanki to meet her while she had sent Avinash to learn a few anger management  techniques from her junior. "Jaanki, this may be a little embarrassing for you... but I need you to be honest. I need to know and understand the way Avinash thinks and expresses in order to be able to help him. From a perspective other than his. So I would be asking a few questions that may put you off." The therapist looked at Jaanki for approval. Once she wa given the green signal, she asked, "Has he ever, now or before remotely hurt you..physically? A slap or manhandling or--"

"Never," Jaanki answered before the therapist could go on to elaborate what she meant. 

The latter nodded and continued. "What kind of lover is he? I mean--is he aggressive, uncaring or..."

"He has never made me uncomfortable, and always takes care of my needs." Jaanki answered softly. The thought of discussing her personal details with someone terrified her. However she was willing to do anything if that was for his welfare. 

"Have the two of you ever practiced BDSM? It seems a hot trend."

"No." Jaanki answered honestly fidgeting with her fingers. The therapist looked at her observantly. 

"Why not?" She further questioned, looking at her intently.

"He doesn't like the idea. Actually, I had..." she paused feeling extremely embarrassed to be speaking about her life inside the bedroom. 

"Jaanki, look down or anywhere else and answer like you're only talking to yourself. I understand this might be extremely uncomfortable conversation but it's required." Yukta spoke giving her arm a light squeeze. 

"I had suggested but he denied saying that, it wasn't a way of love. I was more than happy with what we have. We are playful but we don't take things overboard definitely not giving any pain to each other." Jaanki managed to speak her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"And..how frequent it used to be?"

Jaanki looked up weirdly, a wee bit embarrassed, "Umm, I don't know how to answer that.." 

"Let me put it this way. In the past two months, has anything changed? Is he aggressive or selfish or ruthless or anything that he wasn't before? Has the frequency changed in the past few months? Has he changed? "

Jaanki took a deep breath,  understandingthe question. "Nothing has changed, but yes... we don't..." she looked aside.."do it as often as we used to."

The therapist jotted down something on a paper in the file she held. "Does that make you feel less cared for? How do you feel about it?"

"I don't understand how is this related to my husband's condition!" Jaanki spoke up vexed by the therapist's line of questioning.

"Jaanki, you do feel that he's not investing in you like he used to, don't you?" Yukta's words were gentle. 

Jaanki sighed. "I do. I feel bad that he doesn't invest his time or himself to do things with me. Not just sex but also in other things. He isn't around. In the past month, where I had no idea of all the happenings, we barely spoke. At least, ever since he has opened up to me, he tries to be around. But - he does -zone out at times."

Yukta nodded sighing deeply. "Anything apart from that, that has changed. In terms of his self-confidence or his habits?"

"He is great at wearing a mask of uncaring selfish attitude. But he has become less talkative. I mean he used to be teasing, flirting, arguing and you know-- playful. It's no more that way." Jaanki confessed sadly. 

"You guys had a love marriage. Avinash told me. I understand that his disorder has caused him to be off emotional attachment. But trust me when I say that Avinash, still is much better than other cases I have seen. Once we get his anger under his control, that will give him a confidence. A part of him carries heavy load of guilt. We need to get that off him. Once that happens, he will eventually start being himself." 

Jaanki absentmindedly nodded, holding tighter to the hope in her heart.

"Jaanki, umm, when did he tell you about his parents."

"When we were seeing each other. A few months before our wedding." Jaanki answered furrowing her brows.

"Who else does he have in his side of the family?"

"He speaks fondly of his grandmother who had passed away when he was in first year. He has first cousins who are in US. They visit us like once in a year or so. But, I don't understand why do you ask.."

"Jaanki, IED is generally seen in people who were abused as children or had a traumatic childhood. Generally, they tend to have been exposed to explosive and exploitative behaviors. Many such kids runaway from their past but repress the memories. Many a times years of repression comes out as mental disorders like IED. I suspect what Avinash tells us for truth is actually not it."

"I--" Jaanki began to speak, but a knock on the door interrupted her.

"Don't mention this to him yet. But do try finding about his childhood. If at the mention or during the conversation, he begins to gets restless or enraged stop immediately and divert the topic." Yukta muttered quickly, yet in a hushed voice. "Come in!" She spoke aloud and Avinash stepped in. Jaanki smiled looking at him while a whirlwind churned in her head. Avinash would have told her if there was something bothering him, right? Maybe the therapist was mistaken and there wa something else he was hiding.

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-Anami! ♡