Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[03]

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: can you not stay out of trouble for one fucking day?

T: uh... Sorry?

I: Gotham has about a million residents but you're the one who is always in trouble. Always...

T: it's not my fault.

I: yes it is.

I: can you not fucking see where you're going? You would have dropped into a manhole.

T: what matters is that I didn't.

I: if I wasn't in the vicinity, you would have.

T: touche.

I: don't you touche me!

I: you have only two options; either you never forget to drink your coffee again or you just don't step out of the house.

T: I'll try.

I: in case of any third option, I'll kick you down a manhole myself.

***

T: have you met the Bats recently?

I: unfortunately, yes.

T: which one?

I: the tiny one. Robin, I think.

T: and did he say anything to you?

I: aside from the fact that he thinks me and Red Robin are dating, no nothing.

T: fuck.

I: what?

I: you do understand that I'm not dating that red tornado of doom, right?

I: Tim!

T: oh yeah, sorry I had to take care of something.

I: something or someone?

T: that someone is what we call a little gremlin. Or Satan's grandson. It depends upon the situation really.

I: are you talking about your younger brother Damian?

T: see, even you know who the gremlin is. His worldwide acclaim is unbelievable.

I: if he really is a gremlin, he'll be coming over in a second to bite your toes off.

T: yeah nothing new. I'll handle it.

***

I: sometimes I think you're suicidal.

T: sometimes I think you're obsessed.

I: that's not how you should respond to that, y'know.

T: and that's not what you ask in the first place when you clearly know the answer would be; I'm 90% coffee and 10% suicidal.

***

T: so I met Red Robin yesterday.

I: why?

T: got abducted.

I: who, him?

T: no, I did. Same old ransom story, same old rescue mission.

I: looks like you're too used to it.

T: we're the Waynes, Ren. Not a week goes by without one of us getting abducted.

I: I'd say you lot intentionally get yourself abducted if by now you haven't learnt how to avoid it.