「 Girls' Frontline 」Nikolay's Journey

Ch. 1: Keep it Going

Well, it was a normal life, nothing I could complain about.

You know the life of a kid, play around, be with his family, make friends for simple stuff and go to that place we all hated for some time, you know I'm talking about school.

Some loved it, some hated it, I myself didn't mind it... Those were good times... If I could make a wish it would probably be to get my time back and enjoy it more than I actually did... You know, my mother always told me how much I would miss my childhood someday, and she was right about that in fact. Well, not entirely of course, as I don't really miss it. More than that I would say...

... Maybe a feeling of regret, regret of knowing I wasted my life perhaps?

You know that feeling we all get when we look back at our past and cringe about things we so wholeheartedly did? And then it starts, the wishing, the wondering...

"What would of happen if I..."

Because to be frank, before I could even do that and start noticing I wasted my golden times, everything already was falling apart, without stopping and not minding my begging for it to stop... It's almost like everything burnt down, simply became ash, just mere cinder of little importance to the world that got blown away by the wind. I sometimes question if it was intentional that I stumbled towards that path... I think that may have been the case, but not like I can remember actually... And I also doubt those memories hold me inside themselves anymore, even my former country might have forgotten about me already...

And I mean, I don't blame them, no one needs people like me anymore, there's a bunch of better options out there I would say, guess I stuck to the past and couldn't adapt to the fast-paced changes of the world, maybe that's really why they have forgotten about me, but well... I guess it's bound to happen to everyone who refuses to adapt, they wither and die, but don't we all in all honesty... Maybe?

Well, I consider living in this world is a great experience but the track of being alive always ends, even if you don't die you still can live dead alive, it always comes sooner or later with no exception, but that's just a fact ain't it? Hmm... Maybe I'm the odd one but I always thought about this process, the beginning of it, creating life... Would it be easy? How could it affect us? Will something bad happen if we tinker with that? Should we, humans, have the means to control a natural cycle such as life... Is life always the start of it all?

Heh, it almost turned into an obsession, you know? Something I desired to fulfill, the sin of greed I couldn't escape, from all the things I could have wished for... And I chose the worst sin of them all. Knowledge.

Being able to answer questions that life left us is something amazing. A thought, magnificent at that, but when you really start to look into something bright you will find the dark side of it...

We even got many examples were people tried to do it, create from their own hands. And now, look at the union, strangled by a conflict between artificial and natural... I don't indict them, to be honest, maybe it's just me looking back at it like this ya know?

For some the end of this journey is terrifying, others want to embrace the path that follows after the end of this one, and for some such a thing doesn't even exist. Having to take a guess, I was one of those people that let it all slide by for a lot of my life;

"When it arrives, it arrives..." Or so I told myself and then, bam, I grew older...

With much older ideals, a new set of mind even. Like seriously, I believed in things only an idiot would believe, like the greatness of people, what a fool... Guess I always have been fooling myself at all times, now that I recall all this out loud.