forever my baby

𝐨𝐧𝐞

"a-are you sure?" i watch his facial expression change instantly. "i'm eight weeks." i take my ultrasound picture out of my purse and hand it to him. "i found out last week, i've been trying to tell you but there was never a good time." he hands me the picture back and runs his hands through his hair, obviously frustrated. "so this is a good time? in the bathroom at a new years party?" he raises his voice. "every time i tried to tell you, you would either be studying, partying or not in the mood." i put the picture back in my purse. "are you keeping it?" one question. all it took was one question for my heart to break. "of course i'm keeping it... you want me to get an abortion?" i could barely say it. everything had changed from this point and i'll never forget the look on his face when he asked me that question. "bri i'm eighteen, i'm not ready to be a dad! i haven't even graduated yet, i don't have a job, i-" his words were like a stab in the back. how could i be so stupid? to think that we could actually be a family. i stared at him in disbelief. this wasn't parker. or was it? "i'm fucking seventeen, how the fuck do you think i feel? i'm the one with a baby inside of me. so how the fuck do you think i feel?" i scream in anger. how could he? how could he say this to me? he curses as he punches the wall, scaring me. "bri, i can't. i'm sorry but i can't." he reaches for the door and i do something i never thought i would do. i slap him. "what the fuck do you mean you can't? this isn't all on me parker, you can't leave me. you can't!" i push him twice. i can hear the loud music coming from downstairs. everyone is chanting now. counting down. five. i'm bawling my eyes out. four. parker opens the door and runs out of the bathroom. three. i chase after him. two. he gets into his car and starts it. one. "you said you're not leaving me! you said we're in this together!" i scream, banging on his window. he drives away. happy new year!

it's been three years and i still think about it. everyday and every night. i thought i had convinced myself that it never happened but here i am standing in the patio at two in the morning. i take a deep breath watching everything around me trying to ground myself.

i hear the screen door open and immediately smile. i try to hide it and continue to look at the view. his arms wrap around me from behind, i feel safe. he makes every negative feeling melt away. he makes me melt away.

"what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" he kisses me on the cheek before resting his head on my shoulder. "just thinking." it's the same answer every time he catches me out here. i don't have to say anything less or anything more for him to understand, he just knows.

goosebumps appear rapidly around my arms. "let's think inside, you're freezing," he walks me back into the house. "do you want to talk?" he sits me on the couch and i watch him walk down the hallway and come back with a blanket. i didn't even realize i was freezing until now.

he's so good to me, i'm so lucky to have him. "i guess i'll talk. i'll pretend you're my therapist." i smile. he wraps the blanket around me making sure i'm all covered. "you know i'm here to listen, always." he sits next to me.

i take a deep breath getting ready to open up which was huge for me. ever since what happened, it became extremely difficult to trust and open up to people. it really fucked me up... parker really fucked me up. having to give birth and raise a baby all alone really fucked me up.

except i wasn't alone. god had sent me an angel but little did i know that angel was here the whole time. right in front of me.

"i'm just reflecting on my life. i replay everything and i sit there and wonder. how did i get here? how am i nineteen with a two year old who's going to be three in a few months? how am i here with you? after everything you're still here."