It was early in the morning and me and August was at the hospital with Mayson. He was going into surgery soon so I laid back and just held him.
"What you thinking about?" August asked me.
"Nothing." I stared at Mayson and his hair was so cute and curly.
He held me. "He's going to be fine."
"I know." I said wiping my tear. "I know." "Mrs. Jones he's ready." I looked at Mayson. "Okay let's go." I carried him to his room.
I tried to feed him again earlier but he wouldn't eat.
He looks just like me. I never had a boy version of myself before.
We went to the room and I laid him down.
We had to wear the gloves and gown for safety. I just held August's hand.
_____________
He was out of surgery and I got to feed him.
They was showing me how to feed him properly through the tube. "Mrs. Jones can I talk to you for a second?" My son's nurse said.
"You can tell me in front of August."
She nodded.
"Well Mayson has went through a lot these last 2 months and we don't want his life to be challenging.
We rather you go ahead and let him go because he honestly has no purpose to be alive. He'll be a vegetable."
I looked at her.
"Until God calls my son home he's not leaving me you understand?
Y'all can say what y'all want but he made it this far.
I know he won't live long but every second, every minute, every hour he's here I want him to know he's loved and we fought hard for his life.
So I thank you for you opinion but we'll have to decline that decision." She nodded.
"Okay. I'll see y'all late Mrs. Jones."
She walked out and I laid my head on August. "Don't cry baby." "I'm not." I said.
I just rocked my son and kissed his face.
"Me and daddy love you baby okay? Your siblings everybody can't wait till you come home stank." I said. "I love you."
__________
Today was my first day of therapy. I honestly don't believe this shit gone work.
August wrote down some problems I face and gave it to her since I didn't wanna open up this early. "Hey Amare?" She said.
"I prefer Kamaria."
"Not today you don't.
During these therapy sessions we are going to travel from the first event in your life till now." She said.
I just looked at her.
"Your boy friend submitted your issues and we got a lot to do." She grabbed my hand and I followed her to this chair.
"How you feeling beloved?"
"Like this is just not for me." I said. "And why do you feel like that?" "You just finna preach about stuff I already know." I said.
"Okay well let's start from June 17th, 2001."
"The day I was born." "Not just the day you was born but the day you was kidnapped." She said laughing.
Ian find shit funny.
"Say it with me. I was kidnapped."
"I was kidnapped." I said. "Say it with force Amare." "I was kidnapped." "Say it louder."
