One Chance For Redemption

Kabanata 37 - Book of Feelings

Kabanata 37

Book of Feelings

When I was a child, I used to believe that a marriage should be done sa pagitan ng dalawang tao na nagmamahalan. It should be like that.

If you marry someone na hindi mo mahal, your marriage will be unsuccessful. Kaya naman ng marinig ko kay Dale ang salitang kasal ay agad akong kinabahan. He even has the audacity na sabihin na totohanin namin?!

Yes, I am the one who proposed the contract to him pero I want it to stay as a contract! Even though I love him, kung walang pagmamahal o kaunting chance na magugustuhan niya ako, I'd rather stay on the contract and that is to become his fiancée for a year. Hindi ang ikasal sa kanya. Kung maari ko itong iwasan ngayon, iiwasan ko. How could I make it real if the involved party isn't willing to participate?

"It is the time to think seriously about our marriage, Amaury. Though, we still need the Grand Priest' blessing, after your purification we will go ahead and held the wedding ceremony."

I am looking at him now with my dumbfounded expression. He smirked looking at my face.

"Finally! A reaction from you." he whispered na sapat para marinig ko, "Amaury, it is time to talk about our feelings regarding this marriage. Gusto kong malaman ang opinyon mo dito. Do you agree to take our marriage real and not just for a year? Wala namang magbabago sa pakikitungo natin sa isa't-isa. Magiging ganito pa rin tayo."

He carefully and gracefully walks in front of me. Ang may kahabaang buhok ay gumagalaw dahil sa hangin na nanggagaling sa bintana ko. He look majestic kahit na madilim ang expression. So that's what he mean by real marriage. We won't divorce after a year. Kung sa totoong mundo ko, marriage for convenience ang ibig sabihin mo? Napangisi ako ng mapait sakanya.

"I heard that... One should marry the person that they love." seryoso ang tingin namin sa isa't-isa. Tahimik kong binibigkas ang salita na nasa isipan ko.

"And you don't love me. I figure that much, Amaury. I know a clever Lady like you wouldn't like a normal Duke like me." Bigla niyang sabat.

Gusto kong kontrahin ang sinabi niya. But there's an atmosphere between us na nagsasabihing I should not interfere right now. I held back my tongue and breathe deeply instead.

"Even if I were to love someone, I know they wouldn't love me back. I'm sorry for holding you back, Amaury. Even if you don't like me, pipilitin kitang manatili sa relasyon na 'to."

"That's not true...!" because I loved you, Dale! I want to say that, but the words were stuck on my throat.

"What do you feel about me, Amaury? Isn't it time for us to know each other's feeling?"

"What do I feel?" I know my expression was now giving so much hint. And even my past action towards him was enough clue to determine and conclude that, yes, I have fallen for him.

"Do I like you...? Or do I love you?" I took a quick glance at him, "I love you, Dale. That is no secret."

As expected, it did not surprise him. He sighed softly and his dark expression remains habang nakatitig sakin. I have said my feelings pero bakit instead na gumaan ang pakiramdam ko ay lalo pang lumala ang sakit nito? Dahil ba sa dahilan na, kahit alam na niya ang pagtingin ko ay wala lang sakanya? Is he that heartless?

"What about you, Dale?" I bit my lower lip trying to hide the nervousness and bitter feeling I'm harbouring, "What are your sincere feelings towards me?"

"...Amaury."

Are you refusing to answer Dale? How coward!

"In the past, I know you have noticed my change of attitude towards you. I have expressed my feelings to you without voicing it. When you got attacked on the Spring Hunt, I have finally realized everything. I have finally find the courage to acknowledge what I am feeling. I looked within myself and finally understand my own feelings. And the conclusion is..." I looked at him intently and smile, "I love you. I have fallen for you, Dale."