Black Honey

sixteen

I stayed on the floor for a long time after I was done crying. I knew my grandparents wouldnt be awake, and they pretty much wouldn't wait up for me. 

"Y/N? Is that you honey?" My grandma said, shuffling toward me in her little nightgown with a flashlight. 

"Yeah, grandma it is, sorry I was trying to be quiet. What are you doing up?" I ask, wiping my tears before the flashlight catches a glimmer of them. 

"You hadn't come home and I was worried about you, especially since that young man, Jacob, told me everything that had happened between you and Samuel. Are you okay honey?" 

Damn it, Jake. 

"Yeah, I'm alright. You should get some rest Gran. Thank you." I said, getting up to give her a hug. 

"As should you, sweetie. I made some hot chocolate for you and left it in the microwave. I also made sure to hide a few cookies away from your grandfather. They're on the top shelf in the cupboard. Goodnight, dear." She said. 

I thanked her, and watched her walk back to her room and close the door. Jake had said something that had made her worry, and I really didn't want her to worry. I was in a weird place that even I didn't understand. I didn't want to bother anyone else with it. 

I was grateful for the cocoa and the cookies though. My heart felt like it had sunk beneath the ground. Sam and I had finally gotten to such a good place, and it was just like Roxy to screw it all up. I wasn't one for revenge normally, but Sam and I had been going around in circles for years, and I was finally ready for us to have a real relationship. I was going to fight like hell for this.

//

The next day brought an entire day of laying in bed, overthinking, plotting against Roxy and her stupid complex. The sun had woken me up, so I popped on a Beatles record and made myself a cup of coffee. I was done feeling sorry for myself. I deserved happiness and I was going to go get it. 

I heard my grandma chatting with someone downstairs, so I decided to get up and make my presence known. I hadn't expected to see him, but there he was. 

Danny. 

"I'll leave you two to talk." My grandma said, walking out of the room. 

"What do you want, Daniel?" I said, crossing my hands over my chest.

"I want to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." 

"Yes, there is."

"Really? You want to talk about the fact that you knew I liked you and you never called me back? how you used me? How even after that your girlfriend had to sabotage my relationship with Sam when we were just getting back to the way things had used to be?"

He stayed silent, observing me. 

"It's unfair, Daniel. You can't have it both ways."

"I know." 

"Why are you with Roxy anyway?"

"It's easy."

"Easy?" I could feel the rage bubbling up beneath the surface, but I decided I would give him a chance to explain

"Yes easy. Do you know how hard it is to see the woman you love fall for your best friend? Do you want to know the reason I didn't call you the next day? It was because Sam had texted me saying that he couldn't live without you and that he was going to do whatever it took to get you back. I felt so guilty. Guilty that I put my wishes before my best friend's. Guilty that I stole you away from him. I fell in love with you Y/N, but Sam has been in love with you. It was much easier to have you think that I was a bad person than to have to explain all of that, but here I am now because you deserve to know. I'm sorry for Roxy, but that isn't something that's going to break you and Sam. I promise you, I know him and I know you. Talk to him, please. Don't just leave it."

I said nothing as Danny walked to the door and left. I went upstairs to my room silently, catching the eye of my grandma peeking out from around her snooping corner. I closed the door and laid on the floor, The Grateful Dead's Touch of Grey slowly flooded my senses. I allowed my eyes to close. 

I see you've got your list out, say your piece and get out

Guess I get the gist of it, but it's alright

Sorry that you feel that way, the only thing there is to say

Every silver lining's got a touch of grey

I hadn't heard that song since high school, since my first actual date with Sam. I remembered the flow of the wind, toussling both our hair, the scent of wildflowers pouring in through the open car window, and the birds singing along with us. Belting out at the top of our lungs what felt like the song of a love infinite. 

Tears streaked down the side of my face. Sam. He was endgame. 

I grabbed my keys and ran downstairs. 

"Gran, I'm going out!" I called. 

"I know." She smiled. 

"I'm gonna go get Sam back."