Black Honey

twenty five

The day of our anniversary felt wrong to me. Don't get me wrong, it was super romantic. Breakfast in bed, farmer's market and fancy dinner reservations. I know farmer's markets aren't exactly romantic per say, but I had always loved going to the farmer's market on Saturday morning and seeing all the local artists and farmers selling an array of goods. I usually wouldn't end up spending on anything but baked goods. Alistair had known that I loved those, and we used to go quite a bit when we first got married,but life had become busy and it had slowly faded out of our weekend routine. I had luckily been thinking ahead about our anniversary months ago and had gotten Alistair tickets to see the Motley Crue reunion tour. I wasn't in the head space to have even thought about that now. 

The day after our anniversary, I was going to California to see my parents.  I should have just stayed out there with them. None of this would have happened if I hadn't come back to Frankenmuth all those years ago. 

**

"Surprise!" I say, when my mom opens the door. 

"Y/N! What a pleasant surprise! I wish you had told me that you were coming, I would've cooked! Where's Alistair?" 

"He's at home, doing his work and DIYs around the house." I laugh

"Well come in!" She said, opening the door wider. 

"Mom, I have to talk to you. That's why I came to visit." I said, following her to the kitchen. 

"About what honey? Is everything okay."

"Yes, maybe. I just need your advice. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation." 

I filled her in on Alistair wanting to have a baby, Sam coming back into my life, etc. Her mouth hung open in disbelief. 

"Well, I can see why you're confused. Did you want to have a baby?"

"Maybe, but I don't think I'm ready yet, and I don't know if I wanted it to be with Alistair." I say, the words sounding even worse coming out of my mouth. 

"If you're unsure,don't do it. You don't want to bring a child into this world under the pretense that your love for it wouldn't be full. Plus, a child is a strong bond to someone, and if you're not sure about Alistair, I wouldn't."

"I feel like the shittiest person alive." I said, tears welling at my eyes, threatening to pour out. 

"You're not, sweetie. You just need closure. Do you still have feelings for Samuel?"

"I think I may, but I can't tell if it's just fondness of the memories we shared together or not. Especially since he sent that bear, it made me nostalgic." 

"Hmm, can you tell me some of your favorite relationship memories with Alistair?"

"Um we used to go to farmer's markets on Saturdays and on Sundays we would wake up and he would make us pancakes and we would wrap ourselves up in blankets and watch cartoons." I smiled.

"That's adorable. It seems to me like each relationship had a different dynamic. Now you need to decide whether you want an electric love or a Sunday kind of love." She said. 

**

As I was walking through the airport back to my car, that was all that crossed my mind. Did I want something unpredictable or comfortable? Alistair and Sam were such completely different people. I needed one more person's input before I could get some sort of clarity--Jake. I texted him asking him to meet me at the diner in 10 minutes. 

I had been seated, drinking my milkshake for about 5 minutes when Jake bursts through the door of the diner, looking completely panicked. 

"Y/N! Are you okay?" He said, panicking, rushing to the table.