Black Honey

twenty six

A short filler chapter with big drama ahead! Thank you to everyone who is reading and voting! Much love xx

"Sam, I--" I stuttered, fumbling to put my clothes on.

"You don't have to say anything, Y/N." Sam said, pulling my body close to his. 

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I cringed at the familiarity of the gesture. It had felt comfortable and I felt myself wanting to melt into him and let myself become accustomed to being his again. There was no comfort in being his though. No security. 

Think of Alistair, think of Alistair. I couldn't do this to him, but I already had. I had let myself forget about him completely, long enough to reconnect my mind, body and soul with Sam. I was no better than Sam. Sam probably knew that. 

"I can't keep playing games with you, Sam. I can't. You can't have it both ways. I want a life of my own." I pulled away from his embrace. 

"Baby girl, it's you. It has always been you." 

"You can't say that when you have never put me first."

"How haven't I put you first? Everything I did was to make sure that you were happy. You kept telling me to break up with you and after a while it just stuck and I thought that was what you wanted."

"That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to feel wanted but I felt like you always had your sights on someone else. There was always someone else for you. I was clinging onto you for dear life, and I barely got half of you. All of a sudden, I turned into the controlling girlfriend in your eyes."

"You didn't love yourself, how could you expect anyone else to?"

"Oh. "

"Y/N, listen. You were using our relationship to fill that void in your heart that could only be filled by your confidence and you know that."

"I'm aware and for that, I'm sorry. Don't act like your behavior hasn't been confusing as hell though, Sam. One minute you want me, the next you dont. I tried to move on, but you keep inserting yourself after the fact and that's not fair to me. I'm not going to always be here when you decide you want emotional support or when you don't want to feel lonely. I am not going to be that girl for you. I can't be. I am a person too, and you need to think about someone other than yourself."

"Other than myself? Don't you know the rule? You have to look after yourself to make sure you can take care of other people. If I didn't take care of myself, I couldn't take care of you." 

"Take care of me? What am I? A child? I don't NEED you, Sam. I am not some charity case of yours. Besides, you skipped the second step, which is making sure you take care of other people. You just started taking from them. "

"Well at least I didn't end up like you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You're so reliant on other people for your happiness. All you are is just a little girl who is too afraid to go out into the real world. You're in your little fantasy bubble where you think everyone needs to be nice to you because you're small and dainty. Sorry honey, the world doesn't work that way."

"Fuck you, Sam." 

"You just did, darling." He smirks.