Black Honey

eighteen

Weeks went by with me not talking to the Kiszkas, aside from Ronnie that is. I was mad at Sam, but I was also mad at Jake for not having my back when I needed it. I couldn't blame josh because, before that day, I hadn't even known he existed. Sam was not known for his stellar communication skills.
I had spent most of my free time either in my room or at the diner, sketching.
"You haven't been answering my calls." Sam said, sliding into the bench across from me.
"This is my safe place, please leave me alone."
"Come on, Y/N, talk to me."
"I have nothing to say to you, Samuel."
"You can't be mad at me, you slept with Danny."
"Are you serious Sam? I slept with Danny when we were broken up." I said.
"Yeah well we weren't back together when I slept with Isabella."
"You're right Samuel, and we never will be back together, so you can tell Isabella that. It's her lucky day!" I said, sarcastically.
Sam reached over and closed my sketchbook, keeping his hand on it.
"Can we please talk about this?"
"Talk about what Sam? I was coming over to tell you that I was in love with you, that I wanted to make this work, and I was greeted with that lovely surprise. Oh, and the fact that you have another brother."
"You still love me?"
"Of course I still love you, asshole. I was coming over to tell you that Danny and I slept together because I had had a crush on Danny for forever. We weren't together and a familiar face in a big place was the comfort I needed. He didn't call me back after that because he respects you. He respects us. I was coming over to tell you that that made me realize that the feelings I had for Danny was just a little crush, and that I love you. We're endgame, Sam."
"Y/N, I don't know what to say.."
"Sorry would be a good starting point. Maybe explaining what the fuck just happened?"
"Y/N, I'm so fucking sorry. She meant nothing to me. I was hurting and it was much easier to go back to my old ways where I was the heart breaker, not the one getting my heart broken. I couldn't face you, feeling like you had lost all the love you had for me. God, Y/N, I wanted to marry you the day that I met you. I wanted to tell you that I've been watching you all these years, wanting so badly to be with you. I knew you had your mind made up about me, that you thought I was a womanizer. Nobody has ever made me this crazy, this in love, this—I don't even know. I feel everything when I'm with you. I want it all, the good and the bad. I just want you, Y/N. It's you. It's always been you."

"You say that Sam, but every single time something happens, you don't care to talk about it. You just go and sleep with someone else and that hurts. It hurts every fucking time. An apology can't fix this, Sam. It can't. I can't feel like this." 

"Tell me what to do, please, I'm sorry. Please, just tell me what you need me to do to make this up to you."

"Just leave me the hell alone, Sam." I yanked my journal out from under his hand and left in a huff. 

I deserved better, I really did, and I needed to remind myself of that from time to time. 

// 

A MONTH LATER...

'I'm outside. Please come out.' The text lit up my phone from a number I didn't have saved. 

'Who is this?' I typed back. 

'Whoops, it's Josh.' 

I looked out my window and made eye contact with Josh, standing in front of his red jeep. He waved. I sighed and went downstairs to talk to him. 

"What do you want, Josh?" 

"Well hello to you too, sunshine. I thought we could go for a drive." He said, overly cheery. 

"Why? I technically don't even know you. Stranger danger." I say, un-enthusiastically. 

"I got a new car and I want to drive it, we're gonna talk whether you like it or not." He said, plainly.