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   i shrunk back from the clown, swallowing my fear.
     "where's richie?" i all but squeaked.
     "don't worry your pretty little head about him." he patted my head. "i'm here to make a deal with you."
     "i'm listening," i whimpered.
     "perfect," he said, smiling to show all of his pointy, yellowed teeth. "here's the deal, if you go a day without food, your little boyfriend will get something to eat. if you go a day without water, he'll get something to drink. but here's the real kicker, if i beat you, i won't beat him." the clown offered me his hand. i couldn't have richie get hurt. he was all i had.
     forcing back tears, i grasped the clowns hand, shaking it firmly.
"yesss," pennywise hissed excitedly. "so what first?"
"i don't want richie hurt at all." i knew what i was getting myself into. beaten almost senseless every day, if not worse, but i'd rather it be me then richie. "food for me every third day, and a drink every other day."
"would you like to start now?"
"do i have a choice?" i asked him shakily.
     the clown laughed, the noise ringing off the rock walls. "nope."
     i closed my eyes, accepting my fate, barely making a noise as the clown's fist made sharp contact with my face. nor when i felt his foot in my rib cage and something cracked. not even when blood began pouring from my nose, pooling on the floor.
all i could do was cry, thinking of richie's sweet, smiling face. that was all that got me through the beating.
i reopened my eyes when pennywise finally backed off. "i'll take your boyfriend his drink and food now," he muttered, seemingly upset i didn't have more of a reaction.
i weakly nodded my head.


for days, maybe even weeks, i was beaten mercilessly. given a swallow water the next day, then beaten again. given food every third day, then beaten. again.
everything hurt, my head was constantly pounding, and i could barely hold myself up.
"eddie?!" the voice sounded far away.
"richie?!" another voice called out.
"where are you guys?" that voice sounded like bev.
"hello?" that was richie's voice. i knew it from anywhere. i felt myself smile.
he was ok. that meant i was ok. i began sobbing, happy to finally hear from him.
something touched my shoulder. i shrieked and flinched back.
"eddie?" the voice was soft and soothing.
i slowly opened my eyes to find soft hazel eyes surrounded by curly, dirty blond hair.
"stanley?" i wheezed.
"oh god eddie," he sobbed, dropping to his knees. "they've been looking everywhere for you... we all have. what the fuck happened?!"
"the clown," i gasped. "where's richie?"
"he's with the rest of the losers," stanley explained. i could feel his cool fingers pressing slightly against my forehead.
"you're burning up eds," he whispered.
"do you have any water?" i asked, suddenly realizing how parched i was.
i heard him shuffling around before a cold thermos was pressed against my lips. i drank deeply.
"thank you stan," i breathed.
"let's get you out of here, ok eds?" he asked.
i nodded. stanley scooped me up in his arms, cradling me closely to his chest.
"holy shit," i heard stanley mutter.
"what's the matter?" i mumbled.
"you've lost so much weight," he whispered. "eddie, i think you need to go to the hospital."
"but i wanna see richie," i told him.
"i promise you can see him as soon as we get out of here, ok? just p-please, let me get you help."
i looked up at him in surprise. "why are you crying?"
"eds, y-you look like death. when i s-saw richie, he looked almost the same... i was expecting the same with you."
"richie's ok?" i asked, feeling myself smile.
stanley nodded slowly as we began walking. "why do you look like that? why is richie ok?" his voice was rising in panic.
"i made a deal with the clown. i didn't want richie to get hurt."
stanley stayed silent as we continued walking. i leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.


i woke up to a loud beeping near my head and a bright lights. everything was blurry, but i could make out somebody sitting in a chair next to me.
"richie?" i asked hopefully.
the person stirred and scooted closer to me. my face fell when i saw stanley. not that i wasn't happy he was there, i just wanted to see richie.
"just me eds, sorry," he said gently.
i closed my eyes to hide my further disappointment. "s'okay," i mused quietly. "where am i?"
"derry hospital. you're getting fluid through an iv right now. i have to tell a nurse that you woke up so you can eat," stanley explained.
i nodded. "i'm not hungry. is richie coming by soon?" i asked hopefully.
"i... don't think so eds," stanley whispered.
"why?!" i asked nervously.
"his mom forced him to go home, he really did try to come see you though eds. but his momma kept going on and on about giving her such a scare."
"oh." i could hear the pitifulness in my own voice.
stanley's hands were cupping my face. "hey, eds. it's ok, don't cry," he soothed. "i'm sure he'll come visit you tomorr- well later today i guess."
      i nodded my head, hoping he was right.
     "hey stanley?" i murmured sleepily.
     "yes?" he whispered back.
     "thank you for saving me," i said, giving him a soft smile.
     "don't mention it. i'm just glad you're back. i've missed you so much."
     "you have?" i could feel a light blush creeping up my face.
     "yeah. i cried every night," he whispered shakily. "i didn't know if you were gonna come back." his voice broke and he began to sob.
     i scooted over on my little hospital bed and patted the mattress. i felt stanley's weight shift the bed, and then his arms were around me, holding me tightly.
     "i love you so much eddie, and i know you're dating richie, but i love you. and i can't keep lying to you."
i opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by a sharp knock on the door.
richie walked in. my heart fluttered.
"hiya 'chee," i said excitedly.
he gave me a small smile. "hey eds." he looked over at stanley. "can you give us just a minute?"
stanley's face was beet red, but he nodded and walked out into the hallway.
"hi richie are you ok? did the clown hurt you?-"
"eddie." his voice was hollow and sad. "i hate to do this to you, but... i think we need to break up."
a meek "oh" was all i was able to manage. hot tears were pouring down my face.
"i-i'm sorry eds," he whispered numbly, before standing abruptly and walking out.
i curled up on my side and began to sob, trying to muffle the noises with the hospital pillow.
i heard quick foot steps walking towards me, but i still flinched when i felt a hand on my shoulder.
"eddie?" stanley's gentle voice whispered.
i began to sob harder, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole. i had thought my body hurt, but nothing amounted to the pain in my chest.
stanley sat down on the bed beside me, his warm hand resting on my shoulder.
"talk to me?" he pleaded.
"he-he broke up with me," i sobbed into the pillow.
stanley gasped. "what?" he cried. "why?"
i shrugged my shoulders. "he didn't give me a reason," i choked out.
"what can i do?" he asked me softly.
"kill me?" i asked him weakly.
"i can't do that eds," he said sadly.
i rolled over on my back to look up at him. "why not?" i sniffled, my chest still heaving with sobs.
"because i love you," he whispered, caressing my cheek.
i snuggled into his touch. "why doesn't he love me stanley?" i suddenly sobbed.
"no, no, eds, i-"
i began hyperventilating, choking on my sobs. i heard stanley suck in a breath of air.
"oh, shit, eddie, no. breath!"
but i couldn't. i couldn't get air in through my sobs.
stanley pressed a button over my bed, and in seconds a nurse was there.
"what happened?" he asked stanley.
"a p-panic attack i think," stanley informed him while i continued to sob.
"ok, i see," he said, before firmly gripping my arm and inserting a needle into it.
warmth flooded my body, and i felt relaxed within seconds of the shot. tears were still streaming down my face, but i could finally take a deep enough breath.
"thank you," stanley said to the doctor.
"of course. just hit the red button if you need anything else," he told him before walking out.
"stanley?" i murmured, my eyes growing heavy. "will you stay with me tonight?" my throat felt thick. "please?"
"i wasn't planing on leaving you," he whispered back.
"i meant in my bed," i mumbled back, barley conscious.
"oh! oh, right. of course i'll sleep with you," he said quickly.
he laid down beside me, and pulled me close to his chest.
"just try to sleep."


i woke up to the bright sunlight, smiling slightly after not seeing it for over two weeks. but then i remembered last night. how richie didn't want me anymore. how he just threw me away like garbage.
i sniffled.
"you ok eds?" stanley asked.
i flinched, forgetting he was in the room with me.
"i'm fine, just a little sad," i told him.
"that's understandable. but i'm here for you eddie. whatever you need."
i rolled over to face him. "i need a hug," i mumbled pitifully.
"awh, eds." his arms were around me in an instant, holding me tightly in a warm embrace.
"excuse me gentlemen." the nurse from last night entered the room. "but i have some good news. mr. kaspbrak, you can leave at noon. that's half an hour!" he explained cheerfully. "of course there are rules to follow. you need to eat at least three square meals a day, i'll give this responsibly to your... boyfriend?"
"we're just friends," stanley and i explained quickly.
"oh, my mistake. sorry." he turned to stanley. "please make sure he gets a proper amount of food, because if he doesn't gain weight soon, his choice will be rehab," he explained.
stanley nodded quickly. "of course. i'll make sure he eats something."
"well then, you're free to go as soon as i remove your iv's."


three weeks later

i finally reached a healthy weight thanks to stanley, and i was happier then i'd ever been. and it was all thanks to him. he'd stuck by me, even when the rest of the losers sided with richie after we broke up.
currently, i was walking to his house to tell him what i needed this time.
i knocked on his door, and after a few seconds he answered, grinning merrily.
"i need something..."
"yes? anything eds," he said.
i pulled a bouquet of yellow roses, his favorite flowers, and handed it to him.
he blushed profusely and looked at me, confused.
"i-i need you to be my boyfriend."
his mouth dropped open in surprise before he engulfed me in a hug. he picked me up, swinging me around wildly, before pressing his lips to mine. it was a dizzying experience.
"i love you," i mumbled instantly.
"i love you more."

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