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suicide tw!


     eddie clutched the phone tightly in his hand as tears brimmed in his eyes. he fiddled with the sleeping pills in his hand, shaking the bottle and listening to it rattle softly.
     "come on richie please answer," he begged into the ringing line.
     on and on the phone rang, and right before it clicked over to voicemail, richie's voice filled the line.
     "richie tozier speaki-"
     "richie, richie i need you," eddie sobbed into the phone.
     "eds, what's wrong?" richie's voice was panicked.
"i just feel so alone right now, and i don't know if you care or not but-"
richie felt numb. he'd heard eddie say words like these once before, and that's when eddie had overdosed and spent three weeks in the hospital.
"just hang on till i get there, ok eds?" richie begged. "talk to me," richie said as he scrambled into a sweatshirt and sneakers. "what's going on?"
"i just don't understand why everybody hates me so much!" eddie sobbed, tears rolling down his face.
richie froze. "hate you? eddie, my love-"
"r-richie please- please i need you," eddie cut him off as he continued to sob.
"eddie, i'm gonna come over ok? but i need you to promise me you're not going to do something stupid before i get there," richie told him sternly.
"ok," eddie squeaked out as he began crying harder.
     "promise me eddie," richie demanded him.
     "i promise, i promise! please just come over!"
     "i love you eds. i'll be right there." richie hung up.
eddie kept the phone pressed tightly against his ear, rocking back and forth. "i love you too richie," he murmured.
     richie sprinted quickly to eddie's house, slipping stealthily through the front door and creeping silently passed sonja, who was asleep in her recliner. he scurried to eddie's room.
he found eddie curled up in the middle of his bed, rocking back and forth, sobbing harshly. richie noticed that eddie had a pill bottle clutched to his chest and the telephone still pressed tightly against his ear.
he crept over to the bed and sat down beside the crying boy.
eddie felt the mattress sinking lower and opened his eyes. "richie," he whispered strangledly.
"oh eddie, baby," richie murmured quietly. "come here." he held his arms open wide.
eddie didn't hesitate; he crawled into richie's lap, dropping the pill bottle and the phone to wrap his arms around richie's neck.
     richie pulled eddie tight against his chest. "shh baby, what happened today?"
     "connor..." eddie mumbled.
     "he's still bothering you? he and i broke up almost two months ago!" richie muttered angrily. "do you want me to talk to him?"
     eddie shook his head no, before leaning his head into richie's chest.
"what did he say eds?" richie asked gently, rubbing a small circle on his back.
eddie sniffled but didn't answer.
"god damn it eds! what the hell did he say to you to make you try and kill your self again?" richie cried, anger, not a eddie of course, coursing through his body.
eddie flinched and let out a small squeak, squeezing his eyes together tighter.
richie immediately cupped eddie's face. "i'm sorry bubs, i didn't mean to yell," richie soothed.
eddie nodded, sitting back on richie's lap so they could see each other's faces. "he-he told me that i was worthless... and that you didn't really love me, that none of the losers d-did. i'm sorry richie it was stupid." tears brimmed in the corner of eddie's eyes, and  he covered his face with his hands.
"oh, eds. baby, it's not stupid, i promise." he pulled eddie back into his chest.
eddie rested his forehead on richie's shoulder as he began to sob into his hands and richie's chest again.
when eddie's tears once more began to slow, richie spoke. "you know i really do love you eddie, right? all the losers do," richie whispered.
eddie didn't answer.
"i swear eds," richie told him, his tone serious.
richie hardly ever used that tone of voice, and eddie knew he was telling the truth.
"i'm sorry 'chee. i told you it was stupid," eddie mumbled sleepily.
richie tapped eddie's shoulder, indicating he wanted eddie to sit up.      
     eddie complied.
when eddie sat up, richie cupped his face again and pressed their foreheads together.
"eddie, you mean the world to me. i want you to call me when you feel like this. and for the record, it's not stupid," richie told him, serious again.
eddie sniffled and nodded, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck. "i love you richie."
richie smiled down at him. "i love you too bubs. more than you'll ever realize."
eddie nuzzled his head between the crook of richie's neck and shoulder, sighing contently.
"hey 'chee," eddie mumbled.
     "yes eds?"
     "will you stay with me tonight? please," he begged.
     "of course baby. anything for you, you know that," richie told eddie softly.
     eddie finally allowed the smallest of smiles and held richie tighter. "thank you richie. thank you so much-"
     "eddie," richie mumbled into he shorter boy's hair. "you don't have to thank me, ok? i'm here for you, and i'm not gonna leave you. never ever. i pinky promise."
    richie pressed his lips against eddie's hair briefly, causing eddie to let out a content sigh.
     "thanks 'chee," he whispered, closing his eyes with a small smile tugging at his lips.
     "thank you eddie," richie breathed. " do you wanna watch a movie? we can cuddle if you like."
    eddie blinked up at richie. "cuddling with you is the best. yes please."
     richie softly smiled at eddie. "i'll go put something on. is there anything you want specifically?"
     "something funny preferably," eddie responded dryly.
    richie let out a small giggle.
     "what?" eddie demanded.
    "you're cute." richie turned to place the tape into its player as eddie fought a blush.
    richie turned back around and slid into the bed next to eddie, throwing an arm around the smaller boy.
    eddie left out a soft, context sigh and closed his eyes.
richie held him a little tighter. "thank you for calling me eds. and for trusting me."
  "thank you 'chee," he breathed. "i really couldn't do this, life thing, without you."
"i couldn't do it without you either bubs. i love you, just close your eyes i'm right here, forever."
eddie nodded his head, sinking deeper into the pillow and pressing his body against richie's.
richie laid his head on top of eddie's, smiling to himself.
and for the first time in a long while, as he dozed off to sleep, eddie finally felt happy.

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