Chapter 41: Clever

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Only 3 days passed, and I'm already feeling like shit. I can't take this anymore...

I take a look at the human corpse laying in front of me and I contemptuously throw the head away, spitting on the ground.

Yes, 3 days passed slowly, and not easily. There's nothing interesting to do...

"I should clean this up…but I can't be bothered to. I'll do it tomorrow…" 

I need to report to Albedo in an hour or so. 

"This is so boring…" 
I quickly walk back to my room and as I get in and close the door, for some reason I start getting a…panic attack? I feel tears forming in my eyes, and a general sense of uselessness and gloominess pervading me. I let myself fall on the bed. Between tears and sobs, I have a lapse of anger and I bite my right arm, making myself bleed. 
"Fuck…it hurts…" 

Both outside and inside. The truth is that I'm alone, I'm sad and I need somebody here with me. And I honestly wouldn't mind if it were Shalltear. No, actually, that person needs to be Shalltear. After the kisses we shared that day, after what we did three days ago, I was left with a sour taste in my mouth: I wanted more. And I still do. I need to look into her big red eyes, I need to feel her soft and rosy lips on mine, I need to see her.

"Sh-Shalltear…please…come back…" I whisper between sobs knowing very well that it's gonna be at least 4 more days before she does. 
"I n-need her…no matter how I can deny it, I n-need her…so much…" 

I'm so pathetic. I can't even control my own feelings, and I'm basically enslaved by them. And yes, I know that my feelings for Shalltear are not natural, but first of all I don't care because it's beautiful, second of all I feel like it's true so fuck everyone. My feelings are telling me I will do anything for Shalltear, and so that's what I'll do. Well, my feelings aren't telling me that. I'm telling myself that. Yes, I've finally given up on it. I love Shalltear, I love her like hell, and there's nothing I would change. So right now, I need…oh God I gotta get to the 10th floor in 10 minutes. I don't even have the time to freshen up or patch up my bite. Well, shit. 

I quickly wash my face with some cold water, then I rush out of my room and start running like the wind to the 10th floor. 
"Dammit dammit dammit dammit…why do I always end up running?!" 
I run and run and run, and thanks to some miracle I manage to get to the 10th floor on time. I get to the King's office and I knock on the door two times. 
"Come in." 

Alright, here I go. 

As soon as I walk in Albedo takes her eyes off some papers on the desk and looks at me with her usual calm and impassive expression.
"Oh, look who we have here. You're here for your daily report, I imagine." 

Wow, how did she guess?! 

"I am. But I have the feeling it's going to be a short one, since I didn't discover anything worth noting." I say casually and pretend like my eyes aren't bloodshot and that my right arm isn't bleeding. 
"Hm. I imagined. But I believe you had a pretty rough day anyway, judging from the way you look." 

For a little while now, Albedo and I have started…getting along? I'm sure she doesn't hate me, so that's a start, right? 

"Well…yes." 
"Hm…you cried, you hurt yourself, and you're looking like shit overall. You don't seem to be doing well at all." 

Well she's spot on. 

"That is sadly true. At least, sadly for me." I mutter, almost feeling pity towards myself.
"Not only for you. There are…three people who might be saddened, but none of them are in Nazarick at the moment." 

I don't need to say any names, neither does she. We both perfectly know who those three people are.

"That is true as well. But why are you taking interest in my personal problems?" 

I'm starting to get a bit confused. Where exactly is she going with this…?

"Oh, it's in my nature to be curious for others' problems and feelings. I'm a succubus."

Right…

I don't say anything, I just nod a few times and I cross my arms, biting my bottom lip. 
"You miss Shalltear, don't you?" 

Fuck. I don't need to have this conversation now.

"What? Well…yes and no." 

Albedo narrows her eyes and shakes her head, letting out an exasperated sigh.
"You're a really bad liar. You do remember I am able to read through your feelings, don't you? So what that means is that I'm able to feel that you're going crazy without your friends and without Shalltear, but I'm not able to feel your thoughts of hate towards me, because they're thoughts and not feelings." The floor guardian finishes with a look of challenge and superiority. 

Well…shit.

"What? No, you're mistaken, I don't hate you…" I start.
"Mhm?"
She lets out a "pff" and looks at me with an eyebrow raised. 
"You weren't lying, after all…you don't feel very strongly about me one way or another." 

Oh, she read my feelings. It's not much different from mind reading, but whatever. 

"Exactly." I answer and swallow, trying to keep my cool.
"You can go. Hmm…maybe you'll be able to change Shalltear in some way…who knows…" 
I start blushing and I smile awkwardly at what Albedo just said. She's keeping her eyes fixated on me, and frankly I don't know how to feel about that. 
"I…goodnight." I stutter and I walk out of the office. 

Albedo is weird…she's…no, she isn't arrogant. Okay, well, sometimes she is, but I'd describe her with the adjective...clever. Yes, that's what she is. She's a clever and crafty bitch. And that's exactly why I respect her. I wonder though, is she in love with Ainz just for her own personal interest or is there actually feelings in the middle? Bah, there's no point in posing myself useless doubts, she probably has her reasons. Anyway, wgat was I doing before coming here? Ah, right: wallowing in my own shit. I should get back to doing that.

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