All the Way (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Radio Silence

"I know.", you blurted out, your face turning more and more red with each passing second. By now it was almost the same colour as the tomato sauce of your dinner.

He didn't say anything. Just looked up briefly, a wide grin on his face before shoving the next bite into his mouth. He turned his head slightly the 'what are you going to do about it, eh?' written all over it. There was no need to actually say the words out loud, which made it somewhat worse for you.

You could feel it too, his presence invading your mind, enjoying your embarrassment to the last bit. With a sigh you faced your food again and tried your best to get your mind off of the kiss from earlier. Perhaps you could find something to weird him out...mhhh...what weirded most people out? Right!

Med school. The first time you had entered the morgue, all the discussion about food while standing over an opened body. Comparing various smells to different restaurants and cuisines...the time someone had accidentally dropped a chewing gum into the abdominal cavity. Or the one girl who always touched the corpses, then forgot she had done so and scratched her face...or started chewing on the gloves.

"Did that really happen?"

You nodded and grinned, "Yes. I do not know if she just wasn't aware that she had just sliced some brains apart or if she liked the taste of formaldehyde...she could have also been a cannibal."

He blinked a few times and shook his head, "What is she doing now?"

You shrugged, "I don't know, but I highly suspect it was her underwear that was later found near the corpses after a party..."

"You are kidding."

"Nope. Sadly not. Our professor was incredibly mad."

"I can guess."

You grinned and continued eating, happy that you had finally gotten your mind off the matter from earlier. It had been one of the more entertaining times however gross it might have been. By now...what was gross even? Corpses had never really been that much of a mystery for you. For others however, it was completely different.

The first time you had walked into the morgue the others were careful, didn't want to touch them. Stayed away. It didn't matter to you, you had seen enough dead people by then. Killed enough by then.

But your colleagues? A totally different discussion. A few had quit in their first week because they couldn't handle it. You'd think that thought had passed through their head before they started studying. Apparently, it hadn't. You pitied them. They were so weak, couldn't stomach it. Got grossed out easily, almost throwing up at the thought of having to clean out the soup of half digested food, formaldehyde and half coagulated blood that had accumulated at the bottom of the abdominal cavity.

You glanced over to Kylo, he was clearly still listening to your thoughts but something else was on his mind as well.

"It doesn't affect you, does it?", you said quietly, almost whispering. You didn't want to specify what 'it' meant exactly. It could just refer to blood and gore. Broken bones sticking out of body parts, limbs bent in impossible ways or the screaming either caused. But you didn't just mean that. It was easy to get used to it. The mind is extraordinarily good at adapting to horrifying circumstances after all.

What you meant with 'it' also included the killing. Killing not done by others but by you yourself.

He didn't reply, just continued eating as if you hadn't said anything.

You watched him for a short while before continuing your thought, "I was worried about it in the beginning as well.", you paused again, wanting to see if he'd give you any kind of reaction. He didn't.