Because I'm a Nerd.

Chapter 10- "Your reason is stupid. Much like you!"

Chapter 10- "Your reason is stupid, Much like you!"

(The story will now continue in the present tense. That's because I like writing in the present tense better. And also because I think the story will serve its purpose better if read in the present tense. You can think of all the stuff up until now as a minor flashback. That's everything that's going through Scarlett's mind as she's thinking about how she ended up in this situation. )

SCARLETT POV

It all seems surreal. I can't just get over the fact that Jonathan actually loves me. True, I'd always dreamt for this day to come. But I'd never wanted it to dawn on me this way. I mean, sure, having the love of your life love you is pretty awesome and all but... The thing is I don't know if I want Jonathan in my life anymore.

He made a mistake. Everyone does. I don't think it's because of that. The fact is that Jonathan is a judgmental asshole. And the sooner I wrap my head around that fact, the better. I think the only reason he doesn't call me a nerd is because he likes me. And sure, when you like someone you become pretty blind to their faults or whatever and think they're perfect. But what I have to ask myself is: Is being a nerd a fault? No, it isn't. How is it so that I'm not a nerd and Nathan is? It's only because that's how Jonathan wants it.

And to be honest, I'm pretty much done having to live my life Jonathan's way.

Then what is the confusion about? Well, when you've loved someone for more than a year, especially when your feelings aren't reciprocated (or so you think), you kind of tend to ignore their faults. I've ignored Jonathan's for a pretty long time now.  And I don't really think I want someone like him in my life anymore. I've had it with people like him for a long time.

And the other thing is that I think I might like Nathan. Now, I know it sounds pretty damn slutty of me to be crushing on a guy barely a day or two after I got my heart broken and broke someone else's, but I think that's exactly what's happening.  Even if I don't like Nathan the way I think I do, I'm sure I owe not going back to Jonathan to him. The only reason Nathan got punched and hit this bad was me.  Now that I know how much Jonathan loves me, I know I can keep him away from Nate.  And I would like to keep Nathan's cute face just the way it is.

I never thought I'd be in this typical "This Means War" kind of state. To someone like me, having one guy love you was a dream. Again, I don't think Nathan loves me or even likes me as anything but a friend. But I for the life of me, cannot figure out what to do. And I don't want to ask anyone about this. Sure, I trust Allie, Adrian, Evan and Emmett blindly but I'm not sure I want to take this decision based on what they think. I want this to be mine and mine alone.

Why?

Because for once in my life, I want to take a decision based on what I want. Mom and Dad have taken all my decisions when it comes to school, Hazel has more or less been the only person who shopped for my clothes up until now. I finally want some independence in the decision-making area.  That's not to say that I won't be taking their opinions on this. Because, now that I think about it, I actually WANT their help. I'd be nowhere without my friends. And if not Hazel, I'm going to need someone's advice about guys.

I could talk to Hazel, but I'd rather not mention Nathan in front of her unless I'm sure I have a thing for him.

She'll probably embarrass me so much that she'll make up for my parents' absence.

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"Hey Em, how's it going with Lauren?" I ask Emmett as I spot him coming out of his third period Math class.