Book of Ruel

Stars in the Sky

I unlock the front door and slowly creep in, shutting the door and locking it as quietly as possible, hoping I don't wake anyone up since it's nearing 3 am. I stand by the door for a few seconds, waiting to see if anyone heard the click of the lock, only to end up watching Wilbur pad his way over to me. I squat down and scratch behind his ears, his favorite place to be scratched, and stare at him with tears filling my eyes. He tilts his head up and licks my face, catching the tears that slide down before they even get the chance to roll off on to my hoodie. I let out a soft laugh knowing he can tell I'm hurting right now and all I need is a little love.

I stand up and make my way to Coco's room, Wilbur trailing behind me, before opening the door so the both of us can get in. Coco sits on her bed, having been waiting for my arrival since I texted her, giving me a small smile as she opens her arms up for me to hug her. A sob rips through my throat as I make my way into her arms, my body shaking with the pain I've been trying to hold in, the pain I knew was going to be in when I first got myself involved with him.

"He's not worth your tears. I know it hurts right now, but trust me, you'll be okay. I love you, Sylvie loves you, Wilbur loves you, my mom and dad love you more than they love me, and Ruel loves you-" she whispers into my hair, rubbing my back as I cry into her shoulder. She moves a hand up to run her fingers through my hair, hoping she can calm me down enough to talk, knowing what I need right now is someone that'll listen to me. Someone that'll love me and actually care about me. "Wanna talk about it? I know that talking about it can be the first step to moving on and feeling like yourself again" she asks, using her thumbs to wipe the tears off my face as I pull back and give her a small nod as I take a deep breathe to steady my breathing.

"I just don't know why I did this to myself, why I convinced myself he was the one I had feelings for, we both know he wasn't yet I still convinced my heart to fall for him instead. I knew this was what the outcome would be when I got with him. I heard all of the stuff people said about him, the way girls told the stories of how he was, but I wanted to believe he was different. That he'd change for me-" I choke out, finally speaking all of the things I should have said a long time ago. Coco holds my hand, giving it a small squeeze of encouragement so that I could keep going. "I thought he loved me. He treated me so good Coco, he treated me so good until I found out the truth. Until I found out I wasn't the only girl" I whisper out, my heartbreaking even more as I say what we both knew. What we both knew was going to happen regardless of how good he was to me, both of us knowing the last thing he'd ever be was loyal.

"It's not your fault. You were scared of your feelings and decided to trust someone else with your heart and love them because you thought they'd be the ones to reciprocate the feelings. You wanted to believe they'd take care of you and that they were as perfect as they made themselves out to be. That shows how great you are, you give everyone a chance to prove themselves, whether they deserve it or not. You ignored all the rumors and gossip those girls said, choosing to believe him, because you truly thought he'd love you the way you wanted to be loved" She states, giving me a stern look as she tries to convince me it's not my fault. I feel my lip wobble as more tears start to well up, trying my hardest to keep them at bay. "He's lucky he got the chance to even be with you. He fucked up, decided that cheating was worth losing the best girl he'd ever have a chance with, and that's his loss." She says, anger filling her eyes as she thinks about him, as she thinks about Jake. The boy I tried to fix, knowing it would only end with me breaking.

"I thought he'd change. I thought that maybe he'd be different with me. I did everything I could to make him happy, I gave up all my time and energy in making sure he was okay. He made me feel so loved. He made me feel beautiful for once. I felt beautiful when I was with him" I barely get out as I feel the words start to choke me with realization that maybe I just wasn't good enough for him. Maybe I wasn't good enough for anyone. "I know when I first got with him it was in hopes of pushing away my feelings, but I really fell in love with him Coco. I made myself believe he was the one and that maybe what I felt before wasn't actually love. That I hadn't felt what love was until I was with him. He promised he'd stay. He promised he'd always be there for me and that I was the only girl. He said I was the only thing that made him happy anymore. He told her that to" I whimper out, the images of the screenshots the girl sent me hauntingly flashing through my mind. The texts where he told her he loved her, that she made him feel complete, the texts that said everything he'd said to me.