Book of Ruel

Wish

please remember that just because someone is in the spotlight does not mean they don't have feelings. treat people with kindness, always.

I stare up at the ceiling of the bedroom on the tour bus, the only lighting in the room being that of the moon shining high outside in the sky, filtering in through the crack between the two small curtains we had set up. It's nearing 11 pm, but Ruel had a late night rehearsal just to make sure everything would run smoothly for his concert tomorrow, and I decided to stay on the bus so that they could get what they needed done rather than having to constantly drag Ruel away from me and back to the stage every five minutes.

I raise my hand in the air, letting my fingers move through the stream of light, watching as the shadows dance across the room almost as if they have minds of their own. I feel the bus shake as the wind outside rushes around in hard random gusts, being so strong I can hear the howling of it every few seconds, smiling as the noise almost brings me a sense of peace. I lay flat, just listening to the sounds of the wind, my body warm and comfortable in Ruels sweatshirt, when the sound of hushed voices and footsteps distracts my train of thought. I instantly sit up staring straight at the door, knowing any second now Ruel would enter, tired and clingy from the stress of today's events.

"Hi bubba" I whisper, smiling as he enters, closing the door softly and instantly coming over to me with fatigue lining his steps. He sets his phone on the nightstand, kicks his shoes off into a random corner of the room, and nudges me backwards so he can crawl on top of me, resting his face against my chest with a sigh. I run my fingers through his soft hair, feeling him leave a small kiss to my chest, before letting out an annoyed breath. "What's wrong? Something happen during rehearsal?" I softly question, still playing with his hair as he lets out a frustrated groan, his body tensing up as he thinks about the rehearsal that just took place.

"Tomorrow's show is going to be absolute shit" he grumbles, shoving his face against my chest, gripping my sides as his body stays stiff with tension. I stay silent and twirl the hair at the nape of his neck, waiting for him to continue so that he can elaborate on what's bothering him, knowing if I say something he'll get sidetracked. He lifts his head and rests his chin in the middle of my chest, his hair falling down and covering his eyes, my hands instantly pulling it back and putting it into a little bun with my scrunchie so that I can see his face clearly. "Do you think I'm good at this music thing? Like do you think I know what I'm doing?" He questions, insecurities floating through his mind, and shining through his eyes as they fill with an uncertain look. My eyes widen in shock upon hearing his question, not able to comprehend that he'd question his talents, knowing with my whole heart there's no one else in this world that's meant for this life more than him.

"Not only do I think you're absolutely amazing at what you do, but I know you're meant for it. You were born for this bub, there's no better match when it comes to taking on the music industry than you. You might not know what you're doing at all times, but no one does, that's a part of learning and seeing what works and doesn't work" I reason with him, the sigh that escapes his lips causing my heart to break just a little bit, knowing tonight was just one of those nights where I won't be able to fix his problems and make them go away like I'd wish. I press my palm against his cheek, letting my thumb rub across it as he leans into my hand, craving a connection to make him feel like him again. "You're doing the best that you can and I'm proud of you. I'm always proud of you. What's making you think differently today?" I quietly ask him, my heart finally shattering as he looks away from my eyes, the moonlight shining into the small room illuminating the unshed tears that fill his eyes.

"I-I don't know. Everyone just had something they didn't like or to complain about today. I was doing too much or I wasn't doing enough, but I'm trying my hardest... but maybe my hardest just isn't enough." He chokes out, a quiet sob breaking through his body, tears softly falling down his face as he lets his wall down. I let him clutch on to me as he cries, his tears falling on to my shirt soaking it in the process, and his face turning pink as it heats up. "I just want to be good enough. I w-wish I was good enough" he barely gets out, his feelings crashing through him, everything he's kept inside for so long finally breaking surface. I wipe the never ending stream of tears away with my hands, caressing his face in hopes of brining his comfort, before shifting so I could sit up with him facing me.