The Secretly Submissive type (Ohshc)

Chapter Forty: Struggling

Kaito Pov

It has been about a day since I decided that I want to try and get Kyoya a present and not much has changed but Kyoya seems to have become more distant and I don't think I can describe to you just how scary that is for me. I don't want to have to go back home and face my family if this fails but on the other hand I also really don't want to lose Kyoya which is a strange feeling for me to have towards him since I have never been afraid of losing anyone other than my family.

But that is probably because I was never allowed to many close relationships to people when I was young because otherwise, they may find out about our family secrets and how we have become so successful. I was always considered the biggest risk of spilling the secrets, so they rightly forbid me from have any relations with anyone outside of the family.

And that included talking to the staff, guests or anyone outside of the household even my teachers at some point but as I grew they seemed to loosen the rules at that is why I was allowed to be able to join the host club since they now saw me as a way to make connections with other families but they were still weary about me telling our secrets so I have always had to be.

So the plan for the gift has become ever so more important to me and I can feel myself getting a lot more worried about actually giving him the present because I don't know whether it will be more of a bother than a present.

But nonetheless I have already bought a genuinely nice small yet quick modern laptop that I can only pray that Kyoya will like but I can't help but feel scared. So, as I get ready making the table all nice a tidy for him to see his present nicely wrapped on the table when he comes in. Hoping that may make it better in some way shape or form.

I had lucky managed to wake up earlier than Kyoya today which I should really try to do every day so that I can make him breakfast for when he wakes up which I am currently doing now as I wait. I was honestly slightly overwhelmed. It may just be a bit too much for me to handle, I mean this engagement thing but my father and Kyoya would be upset to hear me say this. And that not to say that I don't like Kyoya or think that he would make a great husband but I am scared that I may not be enough for him or able to uphold the standards that he would want.

I fear that this will end before it even starts.

So when I hear Kyoya's footsteps coming down the stairs slowly I felt like I might just throw up but I tried to compose myself, by holding my head up high this time without my hood because well kyoya has already seen my face and I still have my make-up and contacts on so I doubt he can see anything that he would be horrified at, Hopefully. I carried on cooking not turning my attention to him as he walked down the stairs but when he finally reached the landing, I turned to face him.

Only to see a very confused expression painted across his face which made me feel incredibly anxious but once again I held it in and tried to appear confident yet I know I may not have been able to do that successfully because I started fidgeting a little bit. But when I realised that Kyoya was looking at me questioningly I realised that he probably wanted me to explain so I hesitantly start explaining.

"I know... that I may have upset you at some point so... I just wanted to say that I am sorry". I held my breath. I felt sick as the momentary silence surrounded me in a tight grasp that felt as though it was squeezing all of the breath out of my lungs. I waited that moment seemingly dragging on forever and ever. I watch as all sorts of new emotions crossed over his face and I couldn't help but assume that most of them were extremely negative and bad like he didn't want it and that he thinks I am weird and strange or gross or something but as he went to open his mouth everything in me was burning in fear. But he said in a low tone...