HOSPITAL BEDS • Elounor •

17 | Reasons

CHAPTER 17

"Reasons"

"Are you comfortable, Louis?"

"As much as I can," I told Nancy as I pushed my wheelchair out of my room.

"We'll be here when you're back, son!" I heard my mother saying as I got away.

My mother had decided to bring my sisters to visit me. And even though it was a nice surprise, it couldn't have been in a worse moment.

It was the day I was finally allowed to get in my chair again. Doctors had hesitated like... a lot. The last days my mood and health had been like a rollercoaster, only that the downs were more prominent.

Except for a special moment, of course. Two nights ago I had kissed the most beautiful and lovely girl I have ever met. But, since then, we hadn't met again. Eleanor was obliged to stay in her private room as she finished recovering. As regards me, I got a personal nurse to take care of me, but mainly, I noticed, to stay near my room so no one could get in, or get out.

But that was in the past. Today was way different. Excitement grew inside me as I went around the hospital halls.

"Do you feel like going to the garden, Lou?" Nancy asked me as she walked beside me.

"Mmm not really, no." I said avoiding her eyes.

"Ha! You can't fool me, boy!" she told me laughing. "I know where you are headed, but I need you to listen to me."

We were now waiting for the lift to come so I had no excuse to avoid her face. Afraid of what she may say, I slowly turned to her.

"I'll get you to Eleanor's room as I promised before." Nancy was definitely the best. "But I'm asking you something in exchange."

"Anything," I said without hesitating.

"I want you to help me help her." I blinked and took a moment to understand her words.

"How could I do that?"

"I'll be honest with you. The first times Eleanor was here she was willing to heal. But lately, it seems as she had lost her reason to get well. It's as if she has abandoned herself to-"

"To die." I shivered at the thought of Eleanor surrendering and dying.

"Yes." And now she shivered. "I'm not sure what her reason was. Maybe it was her family or friends. Or maybe her career, who knows?"

"Her career?"

"Yes."

"She has never mentioned it."

"Have you asked her?"

Ok. My fault. I went through our conversations and noticed that they had been very superficial. And, worst of all, mostly about me. I guess there was a logical reason why Eleanor felt more comfortable talking about me and avoiding her own issues.

"I will now, I promise."

"Good. But be careful. Remember how she gets when people ask her about her private life, Lou. And that is exactly what I want to ask you. I've noticed that the two of you – well," she smiled at me and I immediately blushed.

"The two of us what?"

"Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. Are you dating or anything like that, Louis?"

"WHAT?!" My eyes were wide open and my scream attracted the attention of everyone in the hallway.

Nancy was laughing at loud now and even though she covered her face with her hands, I could easily tell she was having troubles to stop. At last, she took a deep breath and we entered the lift.

"I have to say I've never seen a man react like that before. But why? It's obvious you like her."

I suppose there was no point in pretending it was not that way. After all, Nancy was going to stay with me for a while more, she would get to see my face every time I saw Eleanor. Dissimulation was not my strength.

"It's not that, Nancy. It's just – I- I don't know. How could two people date in a hospital?"

"You'd be surprised at the many things I've seen in all the years I've been here, son."

"But even then, Eleanor would reject me for sure. Look at me," but I was not pointing at my face, my hair or my clothes. It was my legs I was pointing at. "How could I be with her? How could I actually help her?"

My words made me realize of many other things I would not be able to do with Eleanor, but saying them out loud would only cause me more pain.

I could never drive her to a fancy restaurant. I could never walk her home after a movie. I could never take her dancing.

But what hurt me the most was that I was definitely not a proper help for her to cure. And why? Because I could never ever be able to take care of her. I would never be able to lift her in my arms whenever she fell down. Literally or metaphorically.

I'm sure Nancy noticed the change in my mood because she was pushing my chair now, maybe trying to give me some privacy with my thoughts.

I remembered the night of the kiss. It had been Eleanor the one who had crossed the entire hospital to visit me. It had been her who had reached my face.

Reality hit me.

All this time, she had been my reason to heal. And I was healing, indeed. I owed her that. I would recover myself to take care of her.

I would become her reason to heal. 

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Agustina