One Long Project

Chapter 14

Dec is fucked.

If he tells Ant how he feels, he's fucked, because Ant will know and probably try and use it against him. And Ant will know he has full power over him. If he doesn't tell him, he'll be stuck in this endless spiral of wondering whether or not there's a chance that maybe Ant could like hin back. Maybe once in a billion year a boy like Ant could fall for a boy like Dec.

"Come on, tell me. I don't bite," Ant assures. "Unless, you know, you're into that." Ant winks, but Dec chooses to ignore it.

"I don't trust you knowing my feelings at all, you know."

Ant shrugs coolly. "I figure that's probably better for you. But tell me, it's not like I'd be pissed. I already know you like me."

"Not everyone likes you as much as you think they do, you know," Dec mutters.

"Just tell me what you-"

"Fine!" Dec yells out. He knows that Ant has done nothing wrong, but it's only natural for him to yell. He's tired of this. He's tired of feeling any of this. "You asked me if i found you attractive, well i fucking do, because it's true you're fucking hot and you know you are. And i try not to, because you're a total dick. I don't want to fall for a boy like you because there's no way that would ever end well. You're the worst person in the world, and yet i find ways of convincing myself thay maybe, just maybe, you're not as awful as i think. That there's some other magical side to Ant Mcpartlin that's not as bad, rather than the well known Ant Mcpartlin who everyone knows and has fucked. I'm an idiot honestly. I shouldn't be thinking that. I shouldn't be admitting this to you. Because you're just going to go and tell Simon, and you'd probably be able to win the bet regardless anyways because the though of sex with you isn't that unappealing, but by now, im just letting you win at this point."

Dec only pauses to take a breath because he's been speaking so quickly, but Ant takes the chance. Dec's taken by surprise when he feels Ant's lips on his own. Its a warm feeling, but it's not hot and heavy as usual. It's chaste, almost gentle, and Dec can't help but kiss back at that moment.

Kissing Ant is a fucking painkiller to him. He can feel that his eyes are watering and burning with tears, from his huge speech he did a few seconds before, but when he's angry ge can't hide. He just ignores it and puts his arms around Ant's waist for a moment, because this is probably the last chance he'll have to kiss Ant. Maybe in a dream, in another world this would be different. Maybe Ant wouldn't be such an asshole, and Dec wouldn't be so smitten.

When Ant pulls away, he only pulls away a few inches. There's no smirk on his face. No sign of winning against Dec.

"Don't be so loud, your parents are going to hear you," Any says calmly.

"Is that all you have to fucking say for yourself?" Dec chokes out, but he can hear his voice crack. He tells himself he's trying to keep it together for his own sake, but even he knows its for Ant, so Ant doesn't see him break down, but it's not like he'll care about how Dec feels.

He's only giving Ant more and more material to work with. If Simon knew he'd cried, knew that he admitted his feelings for a boy like Ant, Dec would never live it down.

For once, he wanted a drink. Maybe that would make him forget.

Ant pulls away, and Dec loosens his grip around Ant. "I don't know wjat else to say," Ant admits quietly. Dec almost groans, but he stops himself. Ant looks different, because he's trying not to impress Dec. There's no sly smirk, but he just looks confused.

"Just tell me that you only want me for sex," Dec suggests. "That you don't ever have feelings for anyone, ever."

Ant raises an eyebrow, turning to face Dec again. "What?"