One Long Project

Chapter 17

"Then why do you tell people that?" Dec asks. He tries to keep his voice calm, but Ant is annoying him. Maybe it's not Ant's fault, but Dec doesn't have anyone else to blame. At most, maybe he can blame himself for falling for the boy. The same boy who tells people he likes Dec for sex and tells Dec he likes him for other reasons.

"You know why."

"No," Dec shakes his head. He looks back up at Ant. "For your reputation, i know. But why do you give a shit? Aren't you the same Ant Mcpartlin who doesn't care about what other people think? About me, and what they think of us."

Ant sighs. He just stares at Dec for a moment before speaking. "i don't know."

"Im not accepting that answer. I mean, if your using me for sex go ahead and tell me. Its probably better for me to know. At least i won't get my hopes up, ya kna."

"No, that's not it. Im not using you for sex, unfortunately. It would have been easier if i were. Fine, maybe i do care a bit about whta people think. All i have is my reputation. You have your grades. You're going to have a great life. For me? This is it. Im probably not gonna go far ya kna with all my drinking, sex and smoking. It's sad, isn't it? But this is all I've got. I have to do this or i have nothing else."

Ant let's out a short laugh, but to Dec he almost seems bitter about it. Almost disappointed, but only at himself.

"It doesn't have to be like that," Dec protests.

"It does. You don't get it, do you? I can't study like you. I can't learn like you, no matter how hard i try. I can't do anything but try and protect my image."

"Your image is shit, Ant," Dec answers in a harsh tone. "Do you want to be known as a boy who spent the best years of his life partying, hooking up with strangers, or doing drugs?"

"I want to be known as someone different," Ant says. "Not some kid they see in the hallway. If this is what i have to do, it's all ive got. Even if this never happened, you would recognise me. I know people do, and I'm not going to pretend that i don't know. People know who i am."

"You can't just lie to people like that. What would be so wrong for liking me like that?" Dec blushes for a second. It feels strange to actually point out the possibility that Ant could like him for anything more than sex. "If you do."

"I do. That's a problem. It gets in the way of everything. Instead of going out and fucking the first slut that i see, i dont want to anymore. I want you. Sexually or not. Sometimes i just want you to be there, is that weird? I haven't felt like since, like, primary school."

"It's not weird," Dec shakes his head. Most people do that. It's okay. Some people juts don't feel it as often as others, and that's normal aswell. The same way some people like sex and some people don't. Some people just feel romantic attraction more or less."

"It's weird, i don't like it," Ant says. You're a sweet boy, ya kna."

"That's not what people tend to call me."

Instead of answering at first, Ant leans over to kiss Dec's forehead. Dec blushes for a moment at the gesture, and how unlike Ant it was.

"You are. You're not an asshole like most people around school. You see good in everyone."

"That's not true. I hated you. I didn't want to like you," Dec admits. He still doesn't want to like Ant. Yet, he does.

"But you did." Ant pauses a moment before correcting himself. "But you do."

It takes a second, but Dec starts to slowly break out a grin, staring back at Ant. And when Ant smiles, and not smirks, Dec sometimes thinks he's a completely different Ant than the one that everyone else knows. He can't stop this butterfly feeling in his stomach.