One Long Project

Chapter 23

Somehow, when Dec wakes up the next morning, he's not worried. He thinks to himself that maybe he just doesn't care about what people think anymore, and maybe the things Ant does can't bother him.

In reality, the problem is that he trusts Ant. Its not that he doesn't care, its that there's a part of him telling him that Ant won't tell anyone out of the goodness of his own heart.

Maybe that's how he got so many people to fall for him, Dec thinks. Making them trust him in order to get them in bed or whatever, probably for a dumb bet or dare.

Either way, technically Ant has won the dare. And that part makes hin sick to his stomach.

He barely realises for the first few moments after waking up that Ant is still next to him, only wearing boxers. And yet somehow, there's no fear. He feels disgusted with only himself to the point his head is turning, but he isn't afraid. Only upset, at most.

He doesn't move at all. He stays as still as he can, even regulating his breathing for reasons unknown even to him. He doesn't want to wake Ant, even if somewhere inside him he just wants to scream at him. Who's fault is it, anyway?

For sometime, Ant doesn't wake up. Dec feels him stirring around beside him before finally sitting up, barely managing a smile that's halfway between rueful and solemn. He knows what Dec is feeling, and he knows what's coming.

"Hey," Ant says quietly, cautiously, as though Dec could explode at any minute. It already feels like he could.

Dec stays quiet. He gets up, and Ant watches him as he pulls some t-shirt over his head. Ant sits up as well, grabbing his clothes and putting them on.

Dec takes an audible deep breath before speaking. "Dec, I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Dec spits out without thinking.

"I'm serious," Ant insists. "Look, it's not my fault anyways. You were completely fine with-"

"For fuck sake, shut up. It's never your fault. Okay, i agreed to this, and this is my fault. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it. And saying it's not your fault that you slept with some boy for a dare is literal bullshit!"

"Okay, I get that you're upset and and everything, but-"

Dec puts his hand up to shush him, and Ant does so.

"Get out."

Ant looks down at him. "Dec."

"No," Dec tries to look serious as he can because right now, he just wants to be alone. "I said get out."

Ant doesn't argue this time, grabbing his stuff before standing up. "I'll see you in school."

"No," Dec repeats. His voice getting a lot louder, but he can't stop his voice cracking as he speaks. "Get out of my life."

-

The amount of times Dec spends considering what his life would be like without interference of Ant Mcpartlin is amazing.

Of course, all of that is shattered when he's forced back to reality on Monday.

Ant isn't there. Well, he's never there before the bell rings. But even when he wakes in ten minutes after they've already started class, he doesn't sits by Dec. He sits by his mates.

Dec isn't sure if he feels like screaming or crying. Probably a prized combination of the two together, because he seems to feels every emotion when Ant isn't with him. Even the teacher doesn't bother urging Ant back into his seat, because its only a small matter, and knowing Ant, he probably wouldn't have moved away anyways. Apparently, he can't even sit by Dec now.