Loving You is My Greatest Sin

33- The Life That She Wishes She Could Live in

A warm and familiar hope ignited once again inside Tao Ru's heart. An unheard wish is now before her eyes. The weight that used to pinned her down to ground is now lifted, she has a choice. A dream, a fate, a life she can only wishing silently. She just need to come back, it is reaching out for her, welcoming her back with all the glory.

"Hu-er." She smiles.

"My love!" Jing's voice makes both of the ladies turns their head in unison.

The sweet curve on her lips vanish in a blink of an eye. She is being brought back to reality.

"Huang Ma Jing!" Hu-er words are full of hatred, her eyes couldn't believe it, how could he be here? She takes her sword out and point it at him.

"Mama..." A young boy runs into the scene, hugging Tao Ru.

What is going on? Hu-er couldn't digest the scene in front of her. "The baby calls my senior.. mama?"

Huang Ma Jing is starring at Hu-er intensely, the girl must be a Tu Gu Sect member from the way she dressed. He looks at his wife, not sure what to do.

"Senior Li, is that your.. son?" Hu-er is frightened by the thought of it.

"..yes."

"And Huang Ma Jing-" she looks at him with the corner of her eyes still pointing her sword at him, but her grip loosen from confusion.

"He is the father." Tao Ru looks at the ground, her voice is weak and.. embarrassed.

Jing can only stands still awkwardly.

The skies gradually turns dark, the round moon is shining happily, unlike the situation they are under at the moment.

"I have to go." Tao Ru carries her child in a single motion, walking quickly in big steps. Leaving Hu-er, and her dreams behind.

Hu-er stands still, shivers on her spine.

"Senior Li, if you change your mind, meet me at the next full moon next to the river." She says, watching her senior and Huang Ma Jing walks away.

Her walk is slow and timid. Her mind still running through her decision. Is this really what she wants?

Jing is waking side by side with her, watching his poor wife moving lifelessly. Even the moon could heard her silent scream.

He keeps his lips quiet, not wanting to make the situation worse.

___

Tao Ru's heart is ponding rapidly inside her chest. Jing is sleeping soundly next to her, in contrary, she is wide awake. Her ears could hear the blood inside her vein rushing.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking at her husband, and then to her baby. Her heart sinks in her own sorrow. She knows that these people won't be able to live without her.

But staying here longer will kill her.

The reflection of the round moon is displayed perfectly on the pond. Li Tao Ru couldn't suppress her feelings any longer. Years of frozen tears and disappointment finally caught up to her, demanding her to fulfill her true meaning.

Her weak sobs speaks a thousand words, words that she desperately tries to conceal. She hates to acknowledge it, she refuses to feel it. Because she knows what cost should she pays,

To have the live she always wishes to live in.

Her back seems small and sad. Jing stands on the door frame watching her. He understands what she is feeling right now.

Cherry blossom petals dancing with the wind, the red lantern highlight her untied silky black hair. Jing smiles bitterly, the scene in front of his eyes reminds him of the night when he first saw her next to the river. That night where he met his soulmate.

A flower petals falls onto his hand as he is reaching for her.

I wouldn't have done it. If I knew it was you, I wouldn't have done it. A thousand sharp swords stabs his heart, he is willing to bear the pain of living without his soulmate if that means she can be happy.

But the fact is different, no matter how much he wants to change the past. What's done is done, and time wouldn't be too kind to roll back.

The sorrowful night radiates through her aura. Even the cricket knows when to stay quiet. A deafening silence that could make anyone crazy.

One glance at her, and you will see a hollow body. A person that has loses all hope. Jing watches the skies slowly turning blue, the once shining stars are now gone, leaving only the silhouette of her sadness.

Just like her future, that he robs it away that night.

Because he, Huang Ma Jing, didn't think before committing an act. He ruins his soulmate's life in a blink of an eye.

"Jing." Her swollen eyes meets his.

"Li Tao Ru." He bites his lower lips, doesn't know how to face her. He pushes himself to walks closer to her, pushing back his massive emotions.

He sits next to her, with the distance between them and the moon reflection that outlines her feature softly, he could see everything. Her teary eyes, her worries and the deep scar on her face.

All of those are because of him.

Why does it seems that he hurts her just by existing.

"The moon is pretty tonight." She comments.

He glance up to the sky, "yeah, it's pretty." He says, even when he couldn't see the moon, it is hidden behind the cloud. He just says that because of her implementation.

He knows what Tao Ru meant,
She has always been a Tu Gu Sect fighter, no matter how much she tries to forget it. And she will always be. Just like the moon that always there, even when the clouds cover it wholly.

"Huang Ma Jing." She looks at him, her sparkling eyes is capturing the guy in front of her.

"Li Tao Ru." He says her fighter name, bowing his head. Acknowledging her as an opponent.

"A month. That's all I have." Her eyes are shaking, she has made her decision.

He nods understood. "A whole month it is." He smiles kindly. His head is reaching for hers, holding it tightly. If he has the choice he won't ever let go of it, his teary eyes stares back at his soulmate. "My wife." He kisses her hand.