Unfixable fixing

Chapter Twenty Six

"And Allah would not punish them, while they seek forgiveness." Quran.

Allah loves He who asks for forgiveness, and Allah said, 'If you come to me with repentance i will forgive you.'
And He is the most Forgiving.

Samirs pov

"It's okay to cry when there's too much on your mind—
The clouds rain too, when things get heavy."

I read that somewhere, didn't really ponder about it but today it really came in handy.

While pacing our porch all alone, like how I've been doing the past week, the thought crossed my mind and i can't help but let it out, my eyes were filled anyways.

I sat down on the first step on the porch, duck my head downwards as i let the liquid cascade down my cheeks.

It's been seven years now, almost eight, one would thought that i- or anyone in my position would have been over it over the years, but no it doesn't work like that.

My therapist once told me that, 'Time heals all wounds.'

I've never believed her, has she forgotten that the scars will forever be printed on you, it can't be washed away with time, i agree you might get used to it with time, but it doesn't heal it, no, not even one bit.

My familys death anniversary was three weeks ago, and i swear the pain came back full force and lets not forget how worse my nightmares became over the weeks, it's- it's all afresh now.

I don't blame myself no more, but i should have done something instead of me standing and watching them die like the coward i am, I know Allah has already planned it, but- but, i don't even know.

I sigh, while standing up, i pick my basketball and start dribbling it, my face dried of tears, my mind, however, jumbled.

I start playing, alone, like how i always do.

It's true; somethings just never die.

I dribble the ball, doing a 360 and throwing it into the hoop, the first two didn't get in, the ball came flying back to me.

I did again and it effortlessly went through, i dribble and throw, dribble and throw, dribble and throw till the sky start to turn to orange and a bit of pink with a strike of yellow,

Yes, definitely sunset.

Can i just take a picture? I have tons of sunset and sunrise pictures, i can't help it, the nature too beautiful.

I throw the ball and it went through the hoop, didn't even intend it, so a small smile grace my lips, while walking inside my house to get my camera, i jog upstairs and pick the first camera i saw on my vanity table which was a gift from Abhi, i pick it and jog outside.

I brought the camera to my eyes, shut one eye and focus on the beautiful nature, i snap almost 4 pictures.

Hang the camera around my neck and enter the house, yes my parents aren't home, Abhi went for a check up and as usual his wife went with him.

The Adhaan of maghrib was heard from my phone, i turn it off and perform wudhu.

After that i walk to the masjid and prayed.

***

"Thwo it Sammy." The three year old Affan said, i threw the ball at him, he quickly ran and pick it.

It seems like he likes b-ball too, because whenever he comes over he drags me and we will play,

Deep within me, i don't want him to be playing because i do not want him to end up like me.