Everything & More (Book 1 in the E.C.N Series)

Chapter 4-Martha

The coffee smell woke me up as I poured myself a cup. Saturday mornings were reserved for Paige and I to make pancakes so that meant I had to buckle down and put a fucking smile on my face. I felt awful but I didn't want to accidentally cry in front of her. I didn't want her to see my pain, even though I'm sure the state of my eyes wasn't exactly helping that factor.

Taking a big sip of the coffee, I sat at the kitchen table and tilted my head back trying to relax. I barely got any sleep after Ryan left the other night. He was livid when I told him what happened but he wouldn't outright show it. His face became stoic and he had to remove his hands from my face as he clenched and unclenched his fist. Ryan tried to compose himself but I could tell that he was ready to murder Jonathan and in all honesty I wasn't planning on stopping him.

My eyes flew open when I heard the front door unlock. There was only one person who would have the keys.

I can't do this right now.

I stood up, setting the coffee on the table, and looked at the doorway. There was a back door connected to the kitchen that I contemplated running out of. Making a logical decision, I knew Paige would be down soon, so I started busying myself gathering the ingredients. With each foot step that was heard the tighter my chest felt. That feeling never goes away, sometimes I can keep it at bay but this time it's becoming a little harder to breathe. With each step that I heard I said an ingredient name in my head.

Eggs, milk, oil, pancake mix, bowl, whisk, skillet

Those footsteps stopped right at the doorway, I could feel a hole being burned into the back of my head as I scoured the refrigerator. With a stack of ingredients I made my way to the table setting them up.

You're okay Martha, it's okay. You will not break, you will not break.

The chant was on repeat as I slowly gained the courage to give him my attention. When I looked up, the man I had been in love with for years stood before me. The usual kept dark brown hair was now a disheveled mop like he'd been pulling at it all night. Those beautiful piercing green eyes that were gifted to my daughter were now bloodshot and muggy. If you looked closely, the small dark circles that had formed let me know he got just as much sleep as I did. He stood at 6'1" as he supported his lean body on the doorframe. He wore a white buttoned down that had the sleeves rolled up and the first three buttons undone and his tie hanging loose around his neck. Overall he looked a bit wrinkled which only further told me that he also slept in those clothes. Makes sense, when he left two days ago all I allowed him to leave with were the clothes on his back.

The chanting in my head telling me everything was going to be okay felt like the biggest lie I ever told myself. My bottom lip was trembling and I quickly shut my eyes as I internally chastised my body for betraying me. I couldn't let him see me like this.

"Martha."

"No." My voice cracked, I could hear the pain seeping through. I brought my head up moving my hair out of my face trying to pick myself up. "Just... no, Jonathan. I can't...not right now. Paige will be down any minute...so...no." He nodded slightly in understanding.

Thank God, I don't have the energy for this shit right now

The pitter patter of little feet filled both of our ears, only confirming that I was right. We made eye contact one last time before Paige came stomping in. "Daddy!"

"Hey, Princess." His demeanor changed immediately as he bent down to pick her up. Paige looked up at him like he held the world. She was the perfect combination of Jonathan and I with her big piercing green eyes and smile lighting up the room and long brown hair that stopped at her waist line.