Everything & More (Book 1 in the E.C.N Series)

Chapter 26-Martha

"Thank you for coming back, Martha." Dr. Salner was the first to speak. I had been struggling with the idea of a second session. The first one didn't even last 30 mins and Jonathan and I's last encounter was anything but progress.

I stayed silent, I didn't know what to say. My eyes just kept floating between my hands that were fiddling in my lap to Dr. Salner, to the string of doctorates on the wall behind his main desk. Movement on the couch next to me had my body tense. We haven't spoken since that night, when I threw his sorry ass excuse for flowers onto the front lawn.

"So I want to pick up where we last left off. I know things got heated and we ended early but I think we can make progress. Martha I want you to work on when you hear something from Jonathan that baffles you or makes you want to get up and leave to just take a deep breath. If you need help just look at me. Can you do that?" My fingers became the most interesting thing when he mentioned 'picking up where we left off'. My anger of learning the truth about everything was starting to fill my senses. I forced my head up to look at Dr. Salner in the eyes and nodded.

"Good, we were getting to the root of this affair. Now Jonathan this affair was with this Jackie person?" It took a minute before I heard him breathe in and out getting ready to answer.

He cleared his throat, "Uh, yes, she's my paralegal... the office's paralegal but she was assigned to me about 2 ½ years ago."

"And as you stated the affair didn't take full effect until a year ago."

"Yes." Jonathan responded.

The words were out of my mouth before I fully processed it, "But he still cheated."

"I'm sorry Martha, what was that?" Dr. Salner looked up from his writing.

The fact that Jonathan was looking in my direction wasn't lost on me, "He still cheated a year before that, he kissed her."

"That's correct, I did make a note of that. Now Jonathan, is she younger? The woman you had the affair with."

He cleared his throat again, "Same age as Martha, so only a few years."

"You said you were up for a big promotion when I asked about your work life, would that grant you more power and more success within your field?"

"Yes."

"Was having the affair giving you a sense of control that you felt you didn't have?" We waited for his response, we waited for about 5 minutes before Dr. Salner spoke, "Jonathan? Did you need me to restate the question?"

He shook his head, "Yes."

"Yes... what?"

Jonathan shifted again, I could practically feel the uneasiness radiating off of him, "Yes it gave me a sense of control."

"Control you felt you weren't getting at home?" He nodded. I didn't understand what control he needed, what control I wasn't providing to him that he thought stepping out on me was the best solution. When I looked at Dr. Salner he motioned for me to breathe. That's all I could focus on, I had to. My anxiety was starting to get to me. The insecurities I had were creeping up, since the beginning I've been trying to figure out where I was at fault. What was it that made my husband hurt me? "What control were you not getting at home?"

"I-um. I wasn't getting the control of who was in my house, my life, my child's life." The crease between my brows deepened as I tried to make sense of what he was talking about.

"Who did you feel was intruding on your life?" Jonathan was silent. I saw him shift slightly like he didn't want to give the answer. When it finally clicked for me I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.