Everything & More (Book 1 in the E.C.N Series)

Chapter 13-Martha

The music filled my ears as I swayed my hips. I held the bowl of pancake mix in my arms as I whisked the batter. Paige was sitting at the kitchen table bouncing in her seat and picking out what shapes she wanted the pancakes to be in. I shimmied my way towards the stove and placed the bowl down on the counter. Moving to the right I reached up into the cabinet and grabbed a mug. The Keurig in front of me had a drawer that it came with. I opened it and decided on a regular black roast. I was finally getting used to this little routine that Paige and I have had.

"What you doin... don't say that... leave the door ooopppeeennn" I chuckled at how into the song she was. The sound of a knock on the back door caught my attention. It was 9am and I couldn't imagine who would be here this early. I placed the mug on the Keurig and pressed the button to brew. I turned and walked to the backdoor. When I pulled the curtain to the backdoor window to the side the smile on my face dissipated. I quickly shut the curtain and shut my eyes. Not now.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the knob and opened the door. "Mom....What are you doing here?" The fake smile I had on wasn't fooling anyone, not even my mother, Diana, especially because I couldn't hide my lack of enthusiasm in my voice.

She took the Prada sunglasses off her face to look me in my eyes. I saw a woman on a mission, a mission of manipulation. "What? Am I not allowed to see my daughter and grandchild?" she said as she stepped into my kitchen.

"Abuela!" Paige said as she got off her seat and ran over with her arms up for a hug.

My mother bent down, "Oh, mi flor, you are getting so big!". I rolled my eyes and closed the back door realizing that she wasn't leaving any time soon.

Diana, the high class woman who wasn't born and bred into the world she pretends to be a part of. Every detailed part of her outfit was name brand. The Prada sunglasses with the matching handbag. The light peach scarf around her neck to the cream colored blazer. The expensive jewelry that my father bought her once upon a time and the prissy up-do that she always wore as her staple. My mother barely had grays in her hair, she said she had me to thank for that. Said she was grateful I wasn't the handful she had predicted me to be. Diana had me at 22, a year older than me from when I had Paige. Talk about the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Sometimes I wonder how she became all uppity. My father was never like that when he was alive, I knew him as a family man. A man with culture, that always made time for mom and I. When he died she became different, always caring about what people thought and how they saw us. Practically assimilating to the white community around us.

"Mom, you do not need to check up on me."

My mother kissed Paige on the cheek, sending her on her merry way back to her chair before turning to look at me. She came up to me and cupped my face with both hands, "Honey I just wanted to make sure you were still standing on your own two feet. Having a little one doesn't leave much room to sort out your own feelings and I know you must be devastated." I tried to hide the shock that I was feeling. These were rare moments where I felt as though I had a mom to go to.

"When's the last time you washed your face properly? You aren't going to have that pretty face forever, Mija." There she is. And these were the times that I regret thinking something insensitive wasn't going to come out of her mouth.

I ripped my face away from her hands and looked away. "Honey," she sighed as she passed by me toward the counter, "it's been almost two months since... well...". I knew what she was referring to but that didn't bother me as much as when I followed her movements to see she was drinking my coffee.

I needed that. I whined internally.

The mental crisis I was having about my lack of caffeine was halted because she ripped the rug from right under me with her next sentence. "You haven't spoken two words to him, using the daycare or school to transfer her off so that you never have to see him."

I crossed my arms against my chest, slightly tilted my head, and narrowed my eyes, "And how would you know that?"

She began to open her mouth and quickly closed her mouth, glancing to the side.

"He called you." I said making it clear it wasn't a question. Diana stayed quiet, "That's why you're here. Wow," I shook my head, wondering why am I so surprised, "you always did have a soft spot for him."

"Now that's not true."

"Yes it is. You wouldn't be here if he hadn't called you."

She put her hands up but still wouldn't make eye contact, "He didn't call me... I called him." The end came out in a whisper but I still heard it. All I felt was annoyance. This woman has no fucking boundaries

"You had no right."

"Sweetie, I think you should just talk to him." A humorless chuckle left my mouth as I shook my head. "You are unbelievable." I knew where this conversation was going and I didn't need Paige within earshot. I walked over to Paige who was playing with the cartoon cutouts, "Paige sweetie, why don't you put on the clothes that I laid on your bed. Then we'll finish making pancakes, okay?"

Her bright smile beamed up at me, "Okay Mama". As soon as Paige walked out of the kitchen and her footsteps could be heard on the stairs, I turned around and faced my mother, "So what? You're here to tell me to take him back."

Her face looked sympathetic enough, "I understand that you're upset."

"Upset? Mom, he had an affair for a year. I'm pissed off!" The last month was me trying to get my shit together. I wasn't fully healed, I knew I wouldn't be for a while but I had to be a parent first. Ryan and Lori helped me see that. I still had my moments but the routine I had put in place for us was working. Having fun together was working, not seeing him was working. I wasn't ready yet, I was afraid that if I did the pain would be too much and I would be back to square one. So I did the only logical thing I could do and keep my distance.

"You have to think about Paige." she said in her condescending tone.

"I am thinking about Paige." I said defensively. That's all I do is think about Paige. That's why she still sees him, I wasn't going to make her suffer. Paige loves Jonathan, why would take him away from her?

Diana raised a finger at me with a look of conviction, "No you're being selfish. You have to think about your family."

"He's the selfish one," I turned, shaking my head. "He stepped out on us, on me."

She shook her head at me as she settled the mug back onto the counter, "And he wants to make it right again. Martha, the last thing I want is for you to tear your family apart."

"I can't believe this. My own mother isn't even on my side. Why am I even entertaining this, you have no idea how this feels!" The ache in my chest was getting worse and I didn't have time for this.

I went to the back door and swung it open. My eye line was off to the side as I silently told her to leave. She sighed heavily, that sigh was reserved for when she was disappointed. That disappointment can fuck off.

"Martha—", my hand flew up to cut her off.

"Just please don't." I needed to keep my voice strong and stern for however long she was in my presence. When she finally stepped out the door, I slammed it closed and locked it quickly. A shaking breath left my body and I quickly breathed in through my nose to compose myself.