Pride Is Not The Word I'm Looking For

Chapter 27

-+*+- Natasha -+*+-

It had almost been two weeks since Natasha and Peter had that standoff in the gym and she still hadn't apologized. She wanted to, but she never found the time. Though, that was her fault as well. She signed up for every mission and was hardly ever at the tower. She was running on fumes at this point and the bags under her eyes could compete with Tony's.

She had just gotten back from another mission and she was putting her things away in her room. Her arms were heavy and her eyelids were twice the weight. She knew she had to go apologize to Peter eventually, but the little voice in her head told her that he hated her now. He had replaced her with that slimy weasel.

Natasha sighed as she finished the rest of her unpacking and flopped on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. Her mind was in a battle and the rational side of her must have been winning since she got up, a new fire burning in her heart.

"FRI? Where's Peter?" She asked, putting on one of the large hoodies she stole from Steve.

"He's in the main common room with Boss, Steve, Bucky, and Clint," the AI responded, "Would you like me to call him down to your floor?"

Natasha thought for a moment. She didn't feel like asking to speak to Peter in front of the others. She knew it would raise suspicions and she didn't want everyone to think she wasn't okay.

"Call him," she said.

"One moment," the AI responded.

Natasha walked out of her room and settled on one of her couches, looking out on the New York skyline. It was beautiful and she figured she'd never get tired of it.

A few moments later the elevator dinged and Peter walked through. He looked pale and he was fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie. He was nervous. Natasha gave him a warm smile and gestured for him to sit down on one of the armchairs.

Peter sat down on the chair and looked at her. "Look, Ms. Nat, I'm really sorry for what happened in the training room. I just didn't like you messing with Mr. Loki. He's trying to be better and I can tell. It's just not fair to immediately judge-"

Natasha raised her hand to silence Peter's rant.

"Peter, I'm not angry with you. If anyone should be apologizing it's me. I acted out of anger and that's something I shouldn't have done, but you need to understand something."

Peter nodded for Natasha to continue, looking more relaxed after realizing that she wasn't angry with him.

"During the attack on New York, Loki was the one leading it. We managed to capture him before he opened the portal. I was sent in to interrogate him. It was simple at first but then he started listing off things that only I and SHIELD knew. Things about my past that I would rather stay hidden."

Peter's eyes furrowed and Natasha paused for a moment.

"He was manipulative but I used it to my advantage. I got the information I was looking for but those memories were resurfaced and not only did that slightly affect my fighting during the battle, but it... continued to be a problem for weeks," Natasha said, both of them knowing what that really meant, "And Tony had it worse."

Peter jerked his head at that. "What do you mean?"

Natasha sighed. "It's not my story to tell what came after but, he was ready to sacrifice himself and send the nuke that the Council fired into the wormhole that Loki created. He almost died."

There was a pocket of silence as Nat watched Peter take all this information in.

"It changed him. You have to understand that something like that- trauma like that doesn't just go away. I know you understand how trauma stays with you but you need to realize that the person that caused all that is living with us now."