fix you (13rw)

Chapter 26

Zach

Alex, Im sorry. Talk to me, please. I hit the send button, I scrolled back at my previous messages. I had been messaging him every hour, begging for him to talk to me, to atleast listen to my side.

I didnt get to sleep easily last night. It was hard, all I could think about was Alex and his bloodied lips, his teary eyes and his aching expression. I fucked up and this time, I was hoping and praying Alex would give me another chance.

It was already afternoon when I woke up. I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when I looked at my phone, no messages from Alex. I tried dialing his phone number, it rang, meaning he already turned on his phone. I waited for a few minutes. No answer, straight to his voicemail. Hearing his voice made me tear up, he sounded happy and safe from harm. Safe from me.

There was a knock on my door. I knew it was my mom. I heard keys dangling on the other side of the door and the door popped open.

"Zachary," She looked around my room as if it was her first time seeing it. She opened the blinds, letting the sunlight blind my sight. "Why are you still on your bed? Its already afternoon."

Could this woman, who was one of the main reason why I was in this deep shit, just leave me alone?

"Im tired." It was true. I was tired, I really didnt want to deal with her bullshit right now.

"Is there something wrong?" Hearing my mom sound worried, was like hearing an alien from mars talk. "You didn't join us during dinner last night."

"Just tired." She couldn't take a hint. I didnt want to have a conversation, not with her anyway.

"Why don't I believe you?" She placed her hand on my forehead, checking my temperature and if I had a fever.

Should I tell her now? Should I tell her my relationship with Alex? My sexuality? Tell her that I might have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me? Was this the right time?

"Mom," I sat up, I was looking down, afraid of her reaction. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yes," Her hands was on her hips. I just noticed that she was wearing outdoor clothes, she would probably go out for lunch today. "What is it?"

I didnt know how to start. I was biting my tongue, afraid of what was going to happen next if I tell her. Would she prove my fear and disown me? Would she call a pastor to spray some holy water on me? Would she cry because her only son was not normal?

She was staring at me, waiting for me to start talking. She glanced at her watch, and then her eyes went back at me. I was tongue tied, couldn't speak again, like the coward that I was. Then her phone rang, she answered it, placing the phone on her left ear.

"Yeah," She was nodding at the person she was talking to on the phone. "Yeah, I'm on my way."

She mouthed the words, I have to go, before exiting my room. Knowing her, this would never come up again unless I bring it back on the table. This would be another forgotten topic that would pile on top of the many talks my mom bailed on. Did I just dodged a bullet?

I sent Alex another text message, saying that I needed to talk to him, before going downstair in to the kitchen. I didnt want Alex to think of me as an annoying crazy ex-boyfriend who would spam his inbox with annoying messages but I couldnt help but send more, hoping I would get a reply.

May was on the kitchen, she was making a strawberry smoothie. Alex loved strawberries. She looked at me when she heard me approaching.

"You look like shit," May gave me a look,  she looked worried and disgusted at the same time. "What happened to you?"

"Fucked up," I took a sip of her smoothie, she rolled her eyes and then grabbed back the the smoothie from my hands. "I fucked up big time."

"That describes your ugly face," May placed her glass of smoothie on the table. "What exactly happened?"

I filled her in, I told her every detail. A pinch of heaviness in my chest was lifted the more I talk about it. May was listening carefully, she was not giving me any side comments. She let me finish first before saying her piece.

"You're fucking stupid." May was shaking her head. I guess she was right, I was stupid and I did this to myself. "How could you do that to Alex? He's like the softest person I know."

"I got scared," I sighed. Getting scared was not a valid reason to hurt Alex Standall. There would never be a valid reason to hurt him. "Luke threatened to tell mom."

"So what?" May was looking at me in disbelief. "Mom will find out eventually and do you seriously think she will disown you?"

"She will disown me." I knew it in my gut.

"Mom has gay friends." May countered.

"May," I puffed an air out of my mouth. "I am not mom's friend, I am her son. Her only son. Its not the same thing."

"Why are you even still here?" May asked. "Shouldn't you be there, begging for Alex to forgive you?"

"His dad told me to stay away from him." Maybe Alex's dad was right. Maybe it was for the better.

"You're so stupid, I cant believe you're my brother." She finished her smoothie.

"Can you stop with the attitude?" I wasnt exactly in the mood to banter with my sister right now.

"Okay," May threw up her hands. "All I'm saying is, you love Alex right? Then show him how sorry you are."

"I already told you his dad told me to stay away from him." I sighed.

"So what if his dad told you to stay away from Alex? Are you dating his dad or are you dating Alex?" Okay May had a point. "Go to his house. If he tells you to fuck off, just accept it. Fight for him, stop being a coward, Zach."

I had been a coward since day one. When Alex kissed me on the rooftop, I denied my feelings because I was a coward. When I found out he was dating Charlie St. George, I avoided him because I was jealous and a coward. When Luke started threatening us, I didnt stand up for Alex because I was a coward. I punched Alex because I was a coward. I chose myself over him because I was a coward.

May's words knocked some sense into my mind. I should stop sending Alex text messages, I should stop spamming him with missed calls. I should replace those words by actions. I needed to show Alex that he was the throne and I was willing to fight countless battles, to risk my life on this never ending war, just to have him.

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Quick question for my readers: I already asked this on my other story but realistically, how many chapters do you guys want this story to last?

Thank you so much for the 9k reads.

- G